Done

The classics!!!

Let the hating, commence!

I will seduce you through the ancient art of hating what you hate.

Article headline that says Snapchat Betz on smart glasses as the future with some dude wearing giant ridiculous glass

The cartoon character fearless fly that wore gigantic glasses

It's been done

I will now trust InfoWars more than the NYT.

The gummy universe used to be about 98% bears and 2% worms.

Now gummy is the vehicle of choice for everything from THC, to vitamins, to vodka.

The circle of Tims...

I will continue to treat any account that pushes Dems to run on anything other than a platform of prosecuting all of this criminality and corruption as either a bot or a bad actor or a sock puppet of some kind.

i grew my account the old fashioned way: by being an idiot online

The new footage shows Dr. Strange turn to camera in a third post-credits scene and say, "Well, at least we avoided a doomsday." And then he winks.

Hot take:

If you are at a social event and they have hot hors d'oeuvres, take them.

too much ath

There is never a cellist around when you desperately need one.

Good idea, gotta lower my expectations like for everything else

I suppose I can try

No thanks, "activewear," you sound exhausting.

A round, fried hors d'oeuvre sits on a plate with a shocked expression. It is surrounded by others like it, except for an empty spot next to it.

“GUYS! WAKE UP! SOME DUDE JUST ATE CARL!”

Where technology used to be adopted based on needs, it is now adopted based on threats.

Nice

Degrees of winning a war:

- barely
- by a smidgen
- solidly
- BY A LOT

MTV’s Cribs but it’s spiders showing off their webs.

"this is where the magic happens"

You aren't anyone until he has sued you for $10 billion

There's a war on for your mind.

theonion.info

Amazing news, fantastic director, cannot wait

The dishwasher is the most coddled appliance. You have to do its job before it can do its job.

Movie idea:

"Ford v Fieri"

The moment Biden got elected, the Dem institutional complex was like "Welp, thank goodness all that nonsense is now behind us and over forever and will never be a problem ever again. No need to worry about it or make sure it doesn't happen in the future."

*Darth Vader running his helmet thru the dishwasher*