Raven and Chug are the literary ones, they told me the plot of Blood Meridian and I had to agree it reminded me of ICE. IF Judge Holden is really some sort of eternal demon then of course in his future he would join ICE.
Shadow and Jack Thompson are in hospital beds. Nurse: The doctor will see you in a moment. Jack Thompson: Thank you. Nurse: Mx. Martinez, the patients are ready for you. Dr. Martinez: Thank you for using a gender-neutral honorific, but it’s Dr. The big main ICE agent appears. Ice agent: Dr. Deported that is! Wuah ha ha! Seize these brown people! We can’t have these licensed immigrant physicians stealing patients from white chiropractors! ICE agents grab the medical staff. The big ICE agent is playing a violin and dancing. ICE agent: Whaaaa ha ha ha! I never sleep! He keeps fiddling and dancing. ICE agent: I will never die!!!
Jack Thompson's going to get the kids out as a lawyer, but he also needs Raven to become a lawyer to sue games because he was disbarred. I don't know why Jack Thompson was enlisted for this plan if he's disbarred.
Chug is checking the guys in at the hospital. Chug: Hey, my friend and this ex-lawyer who is also an anti-games activist have been bitten by a rattlesnake in a sensitive area. Nurse: Do they have insurance? Chug: Not my problem. Chug: Due to homophobia, they want to request that the venom be sucked out by a female doctor, or possibly some sort of pump if you have that. Shadow: I won’t sexualize it at all. As long as it’s a woman. Sorry about my hangups. I recognize that I need to change, but that’s just where I’m at in my life journey. Nurse: We don’t have any female doctors available at this time, but we do have a nonbinary doctor who was assigned female at birth. Would that be alright? Shadow: I wish I wasn’t OK with that, but I still have growing to do. I’ll take them.
Well well well, so I need to put down my controller and do my homework if I want to get a good job, do I? My mom's really eating shit on this one.
Jack Thompson: Chug, can’t you tell your ethnic wife to suck the venom out of our buttocks? We’ve already established it’s not sexual. Raven: No can do. I’m fasting for a colonoscopy tomorrow. Raven: Yes, women get them too. We just don’t bitch about it because doctors are already constantly jamming things up our orifices.
If they're "toys" then how come I'm constantly mad about them and almost never have any fun? Having "fun" is childish. Gaming is life.
Jack Thompson: Chug! Thank God! I’ve been bitten by a rattlesnake! I need you to suck the venom out of my buttock! Chug: Hmm, that’s definitely a bit uncomfortable for me, but I can hardly refuse. After all, it’s a matter of medical necessity. Chug: And really, it’s just a buttock. There’s no hole involved. It’s not an orifice. I imagine it’s as clean as your thigh, or your lower back. Chug: Sucking on Jack Thompson’s buttock is no different from sucking on Jack Thompson’s bicep, or his shoulder. Not something I’d do recreationally, but not unthinkable. Chug: It doesn’t need to be awkward unless I make it awkward. And this is a fellow human being in need. Your life is on the line. Yes, I will suck your ass. It’s the right thing to do. Shadow: Chug! I need you to suck the venom out of my ass cheek too! Chug: Eh… Let’s go to a hospital instead.
Over the years, a lot of very good looking women have gotten naked.
Shadow: So then like… They’re trying to set a trap for the trolls, and they put on a Justin Bieber concert, and there’s this bit where they keep calling him Justin Beaver. Jack Thompson: I need to use the men’s room, can you pull over? Shadow: Sure. Jack Thompson is trying to urinate by the side of the road. Shadow is right behind him. Shadow: …And it turns out that Bugs was sincerely gay for Daffy, so of course he goes ballistic. A rattlesnake jumps up and bites Jack Thompson in the ass. Jack Thompson: Augh! A rattlesnake! Shadow: Watch out, dude. Shadow: See, if you tried gaming you’d develop the alertness and reflexes to not get bit by that rattlesnake. You could just shoot it before it had a chance to-- A rattlesnake bites Shadow in the ass. Shadow: Augh!
LOWER THE LOGO, COWARDS
The Arms-Folded Chef Cinematic Universe
Jack Thompson: Video games made your son want to be in the army? Shadow: I know. You’re conservative. I’m not against all military service. Hell, my roommate’s a veteran, and he’s awesome. Shadow: I admire soldiers from like, WWII who fought nazis, but we’re in a rogue state starting idiotic wars for no reason. Why would you put your life on the line for that? Jack Thompson: I agree that the current administration lacks… The intentionality and grace of previous warmongers… Shadow: I told him that if he joined the army he might have to invade Greenland or Canada or something, and he didn’t even understand why that was bad. Jack: And you hold this “Call of Duty” responsible? Shadow: I don’t know where else he would’ve got these ideas. Jack Thompson: I don’t know what to tell you. Shadow: I know, I just wanted to talk to someone who could understand how I feel. Thanks Jack Thompson.
Shadow: So uh… Obviously I don’t think games cause violence. But uh… Listen, I need to get your thoughts, as Jack Thompson… Shadow: My kid, uh, at school the other day… He had an assignment about what he wants to be when he grows up… And he plays a lot of Call of Duty with his stepdad… Shadow: And he said he wants to be in the army.
Jack Thompson: What about that one where you’re a criminal. “Theft of the Auto?” Shadow: Grand Theft Auto? That’s a legal term, dude. How do you not know it? Jack Thompson: I heard you can steal cars and shoot people, and visit sex workers. Shadow: Yeah, but when you do, the cops always come for your ass. Jack Thompson: And then the game is over? Shadow: No, they just chase you around for like twenty seconds. Jack Thompson: I just don’t see how that teaches moral values. Shadow: It’s an annoying waste of time. That’s basically the worst thing that can happen to you in a game. Jack Thompson: And what about, uh, Doom? That one’s just evil, don’t you think? Shadow: Lol, of course not, bro. Hell no. Shadow: You literally kill demons in that one. Aren’t you supposed to be Christian? You want me to let demons live? Jack Thompson: I… I don’t know anymore…
Shadow: …So they added another Sonic type guy. But this one’s a bit grittier, and you’ve gotta fight him, that’s Knuckles. Shadow: And then you’ve got Metal Sonic, which is like, a dark robot version of Sonic that he has to fight. Shadow: Plus there’s Shadow the Hedgehog, he’s pretty much like Sonic, but gritty, and much darker. Shadow: Then there are some characters from the comics who are pretty cool, like Scourge the Hedgehog. He’s Sonic, but dark, and evil. Jack Thompson: Does this “Sonic” do anything at all aside from fighting dark inversions of himself? Shadow: He goes fast.
lowkey this kid from the windows 3.1 game order of omega looking exactly like a younger version of shadow @powerupcomics.bsky.social
can’t believe they have whole graphics card for turning everyone into white ladies with lip filler
I hate when game designers accidentally fail to make female characters as young and hot and realistic as possible. This technology is just what we need to fix their mistakes.
The gamers of the world DEMAND technology that makes graphics crisper, and makes female characters look younger. A lot younger if possible.
Shadow: …And yes, you can make “evil” choices, but there are in-world consequences. Sometimes your character wears darker clothing. And you get different ability trees. Shadow: Like, you can’t get healing spells. Or maybe the only way you can heal is by “draining” health from enemies with a creepy purple beam. Plus you usually get a bad ending. Jack Thompson: What kind of bad ending? Shadow: I don’t know, like an ending where you join the bad guys, or die, or take over the universe. Jack: And what sort of choices can you make? Shadow: All kinds. Whether to kill a firaxan shark, or whether to harvest some little girls for energy. Or whether to be polite to friendly aliens or tell them to fuck off. Jack Thompson: Do you still beat the game if you get the bad ending? Shadow: Well, gamers like myself like to go for “100% completion” and see all the endings. Jack Thompson: So if you want to get 100%, you’re required to do evil? Shadow: Yes, but I thoughtfully compare the endings so I can fully appreciate the superiority of the moral path.
Shadow: You know, Jack Thompson… Maybe I’ve been too hard on you. I know I used to call you homo and attack you with a chainsaw, but I’ve mellowed out over the years. Shadow: Now that I have a kid of my own, I can see how people worry about what media is doing to their kids. I get why you don’t trust games. But look at the evidence… Shadow: Studies have repeatedly shown that games don’t cause violence. Chug: Hey Shadow, there’s a brain parasite outside the car. Shadow: Oh, shit. Shadow gets out of the car and confronts an ICE agent who’s not actually an ICE agent, he’s infected by a brain parasite and there’s no cure, so violence against him is sadly justified. Shadow brutally kills the parasite-infected agent using Kano’s skeleton pull fatality. Shadow is back in the car. Chug: Dude, sweet Mortal Kombat move. Shadow: Thanks. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. So there’s actually no evidence…
Raven: Should I put my hundred bucks on the Thunder? Chug: Sure, if you want to win thirty cents. Shadow: Some of those basketball guys are stars, right? Lebron James. Uh, Steve Curry… Chug: Those guys are old as hell, Shad. They’re basically our age. Shadow: If I were betting, I’d try to figure out which team has the most stars, and bet on them. Chug: Genius. You’ve cracked sports betting. A truly elite ball-knower. Ladow: I like Wemby! Shadow: LOL, who the f*** showed you NBA basketball? Jack Thompson: Stop this! You have to focus on the law school element of the hybrid diploma mill and sports betting platform! We need that degree or we’ll never end gaming forever! Raven: It won’t let me enroll in any classes until I place a bet. Jack Thompson: Okay, well the Knicks at Sixers looks like a trap game to me.
It’s a panel from powerup comics where the text has been edited: “what’s your opinion on women’s day as far as I’m concerned, all days are for women”
The committee has its eye on the current oil situation.
Hey so I'm thinking about switching to Linux for obvious reasons, but I don't know if I can give up Clip Studio Pro for drawing. Is there an alternative out there with an actual Linux version that is comparable for linework? I'm willing to pay money for it (unless it's a subscription).
I like comicfury but the hell if i want to spend a whole week reuploading like 2000 comics.
Raven: Hey, this virtual law school you signed me up for says I get a free $100 toward my first bet on Fanduel Sports. Jack Thompson: It’s lightly sponsored by a sports betting app. Raven: I want to bet! Who’s that basketball guy with the neck hair? Chug: Brook Lopez? Raven: Yessss! Chug: Babe, don’t bet on the Clips. You want a mediocre team that upgraded at the deadline without anyone noticing. Who are the Trailblazers playing? Raven: Trailblazers… Do they have that unibrow guy? Chug: If you mean Anthony Davis, he landed on the Washington Wizards. That’s actually a good pick. Chug: If you mean D’Angelo Russel, I think the Lakers shot him out of a cannon into the sun. He’s probably in uh… What’s the NBA equivalent of Japan? Raven: It sounds racist, but China. Raven: This is so much fun! I feel like I’m in that one movie… Chug: Uncut Gems? Raven: Air Bud!
The muscles symbolize his muscular graphics capabilities
