sloaneliest - Twitch I'm Sloane, with an e at the end. I usually stream Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Direct business inquiries to: business@sloaneliest.com

Moral: There Was a Sewer Man [Elden Ring]

Not in my budget right now, but it does look genuinely novel and good. I think I'll grab it in a few months.

Going to my 20 year reunion and explaining to all my former classmates that I've gotten really into jelqing when they ask what I do professionally.

Congratulations: You have been authorized to feel lonely for up to one hour! If you exceed your allotted time, immediately assume a kneeling position with your forehead on the floor and hands visible on the back of your neck at all times. The bureau will contact you within three business days.

A screenshot Rafiki the mandrill holding up baby Simba the lion from The Lion King (1994). In all-caps impact text, Simba is labelled "Photos I took when I moved in of the burnt spot in the linoleum that my landlord wants to take my deposit over" and Rafiki is labelled, "Me."

A screenshot from the video game Pragmata (2026) showing Diana, a small, blonde, child-shaped robot in a big, puffy, blue coat holding what looks like a solid state hard drive in her mouth.

Why did they make the little zoomer from Pragmata vape hard drives?

Why is everybody so excited about gardening today? Last frost was like a month ago.

If you want me to get interested in space, you're going to have to make those awful, bulky suits a lot sexier. Let's see some skin!

Madam President... You're a demon with the strap

You will survive the purge.

None of you understand my strange and esoteric emotional needs.

Happy Birthday!

Blue is dummy warm

Yeah, that shit goes crazy.

Hey gang, important question: What flavor am I?

Not into this whole "food" thing.

The humorist in me thinks it's very funny to put a nickname between "Sloane" and "Veronica" like the latter is my last name, but the stickler in me is frowning at it when she's not distracted by seething over people forgetting the god-damned terminal E.

Personally I just think this is wrong. What if you're in a life-threatening re-enactment? Won't historians have an incentive to let you die?

Flatterer!

Someone's feeling a bit bold, today!

I'm coming over to hang out and also to seize your assets

Is any of this landing? I forgot how to be a lesbian.

To the holder of my genitals,

To whomever may possess fine bazongas,

Dear future arm candy,

Dear sexy ladies,

Hahahaa, what's up? Looking pretty fine. I think I'm gonna enjoy seeing more of you, know what I'm saying?

Magnanimously and with the utmost sincerity,
Sloane Veronica

You're doing great, Crab Man. Just stick to what you know and you'll get there.

If someone says "I've got a bad feeling about this", the best way to make them feel heard is to escalate by saying something like "We Are Under Imminent Threat"

swag can only come from the heart

And how does that make you feel?