chat the tortoise lowkey just race mogged the hare he was slow&steady maxxing I saw the whole thing

People can make convincing deepfakes of human beings saying any combination of words but I still have no way to record a smell.

Sixpence None The Richer is not a British band… They’re from Texas. This is pissing me off?

This would heal me 😮‍💨

You’re in her DMs? I’m just now finding out she has multiple DnD groups and you’re already sleeping with the facilitators.

Idk what’s more grim: the fact that apple released this emoji in the first place or the fact that it’s already my most used

Problematic bed time gap relationships 💔

Sounds like someone’s got a case of the cumdays

This is what I mean when I say “he should be in the club..”

😇

Y’all act like CK was spreading “toxic masculinity” as if he had a choice?? when his mentor was constantly in his ear saying:
“BE 👏🏻 AGGRESSIVE 👏🏻 🤸🏻‍♀️ B 👏🏻 E 👏🏻 AGGRESSIVE 🕺🏼”

you went through an entire desert without naming your horse? Jerk.

Couldn’t keep a secret the idea is too good

As if things weren’t bad enough I just found out about Ben Shapiro’s eyebrows

Is there anyone out there with entrepreneurial plans to start a fitness empire whose first name happens to be Jehovah ?

I may have an idea for you… 🧠👀💪🏼

NOOOO what!!!

Sorry ur sports are super gay.

You wanna talk about basketball? Which part? The RIM?

Soccer? You into dudes feet like that?

Don’t even get me started on football. “Touch down” where? Down his chest and abs right into his bush???

Problematic first Pokémon Gen-gap gay relationships (they’re both 35)

Prestige porn studio that only releases black & white videos called Dorothea Bang.

You did embarrass me but in a hot way

Love when someone says “HE’S MARRIED” kind of angrily after I say a man is attractive.

Diva we are just making observations rn, you and I are just chatting but ty for assuming that man would eventually leave his wife for me 🙏🏻

When I say “I’m such a Samantha” I’m talking about her:

Just so you guys know I’m distantly monitoring the situation

My love language is physical media collection

Well, yes

My biological cock is dicking

For sale: baby shoes, not cuntyenough 💔

How does ANYONE date in their 30’s? Guy just left my apartment and blocked my number and all I did was say “wanna see me make a mountain out of a mole hill” n pulled down my cargo shorts to show him these. Srsly frick my life!

The exact personality types in a group of three seasonal new hires

On the no fly list because I have a lithium ion social battery 💔