If you strike me down I will become more struck down than anyone has ever been. My ass will essentially have been cooked. Think wisely.

Cry and sob hysterically at every occasion, especially when confronted by government clerks.

I feel like Michael Clayton and Miles Edgeworth would develop a lot of respect for each other if they ever worked in the same legal system. I think he’d find Phoneix Wright to be a clown though.

spigot: HOW COULD I HAVE SUCKED MY 5 FREE DICKS THIS MONTH IT'S ONLY APRIL 4

"FIVE FREE" https://bonequest.com/9879

seeing spots but the spots are real and they’re my friends

parallel parking requires the live mas mentality

Nancy 2/22/26… 🪱WOIMS🪱

Ooooh look at these jingling keys! ooooohh!!

grandmasters HATE this one weird trick

pic of the thing from fantastic 4

here’s the thing,

if you start a sentence with “here’s the thing,” i’m not listening, i’ll never know what the thing is. unless it’s john carpenter’s the thing (1982), which i know and love

“combinatorial possibi-” is the last thing that guy says as i dunk his head into sour cream

i’m placing bets against money. this will pay off big once money is worthless 😌

pillory is a beautiful name for a baby girl

bottom o’ the nighttime to ya 🌈☘️

…themselves weren't synthetic. The two-thousands brought commercial experiments like SmarterChild, a slightly sarcastic AOL Instant Messenger bot conversant in weather forecasts. Then came the girls and the gays: Siri, Alexa, Gemini, Claude.

what does this mean???

added the swerving car from the swerving car meme, swerving towards donuts

so the Woke Ginger can pop off but I get ran off of Craigslist for telling the truth as the Sexual Uncle. Ok

they should invent a PB&J that is freshly made for me and i can eat it in bed without getting jelly everywhere 😌

return to Oz? yeah we should rewatch The Monkey 😏

eating while standing at the counter is unc

woman with hands on temples

how it feels when your run out of stuff to say but want to say more stuff

If you're old enough to have watched .hack//Sign you should probably be more worried about .back//Pain

when i was a teen with a macbook, my lil bro would sneak up and quickly use the keyboard shortcut to open my Applications folder, then hit ⌘-A and ⌘-O

i will never ever watch cheers!!!!!

miles edgeworth shrugging smugly at gone girl

if miles edgeworth was in gone girl, it wouldn’t have gone down like that

husband confirmed for my valentine 😌🫡

i hope it’s fool’s spring soon, i love looking like an idiot for enjoying being outside

i love to delete! i love to delete anything i can get my sticky lil fingers on!