To add to my already overwhelming anxiety the UK government has passed a law to "protect minors online"
requiring you to hand over your ID or limit your social media and even deleting accounts

I will not be giving away my personal info to people I don't trust so If I disappear that's why

I took a short break from the Internet which was extended so I could mourn the death of the Immortal Hulk Hogan and rock legend Ozzy Osbourne
I am absolutely heartbroken

How do you keep an idiot In suspense?

My grandad said "Your generation relies too much on technology"
I said "No grandad, YOUR generation relies too much on technology"
and I unplugged his life support

Water Is not wet
It makes other things wet
but water Itself Is not wet

I sneeze like a baby kitten so don't laugh

Holy crap, I just read my own mind- oh wait, everyone can do that.

The english language doesn't have enough swear words

No Mickey you shouldn't divorce your wife for acting a little silly

I never said she was acting silly I said she was fucking goofey!

A dyslexic person walks Into a bra.

Why are you wearing a cat costume backwards?

I thought It was a male cat..

My doctor said I should drink less
so I went to the bar and I asked for something called "less"
they didn't know what that was so I had a vodka
cheers!

What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you

If there are any ghosts here are you alive or dead?

30% of pet owners let their pet sleep In their bed
I tried It wish my goldfish and It didn't go so well

Hows your food?

Pretty good but It keeps swearing at me

Last night I decided to lay In bed and read the entire dictionary
But It didn't work cause I got up to p

20 years ago today my uncle passed away
I still remember the last words he said to me
"Stop shaking that ladder you little shit"

I was sitting In traffic the other day
then I got run over

I like my tea the same way I like people

In a bag
under water

Just when I start to feel numb from life punching me In the stomach It starts kicking me In the shins

Sorry I came Into your life
I probably ruined It.

I am great at pac-man
see how many times my ghosts killed that yellow thing

I should be ashamed of myself

though I never am

Not sure when they changed the Home and Away theme song
but I love It.

What a sexy GBA

My life Is a train wreck

ALL ABOARD! CHOO CHOO!

I heard there was a boy crying wolf
but when I got there there was no boy
just a very fat wolf

Oh baby oh baby oh baby

I did do my homework
I just used invisible ink