I hate when they take away things you were just starting to really enjoy, like your favorite TV show or democracy.

how is it possible to be against the “international criminal court” without immediately questioning yourself

C’mon guys. We’re living through the golden age of shitposting rn and this is what you give me?

All I want is a cottage in the Scottish Highlands, a raging snowstorm, and Agatha Christie novel, a crackling fire, a kettle on the stove, and a basket of emotional support pastries.

they’re making jaking off illegal

@trixie-mattel.bsky.social Trixie you neeeeeeeed to open advent calendars on the YouTube channel! There's so many that are so fun, I'd love to see you react to the P Louise one! ❤️❤️

There’s nothing worse than discovering a grammatical error in one of your posts and realizing any English teachers that follow you think you’re the biggest doofus of all time

cats lowkey relatable as shit like yea bro meow

You're not "late to the party" when you enjoy an old book for the first time. Books don't have an RSVP deadline. The party started long ago, and guests show up when they're meant to.

i saw a copy of a real estate licensing exam and it was just questions like “can you find all the rooms in a house?” and “are you familiar with cupboards?”

having a cat is just having a friend who constantly stares at you. forever.

The bottom half of an artificial tree, a penguin patterned tree skirt in the background. A dark grey kitten in front of the tree, running toward the camera

Taking bets on how long the tree stays up

I'm trying not to open Twitt*r up but my feed isn't quite as funny yet 😭😭 pls start shitposting

i believe the best authors are all a little mentally ill

cats follow me because i’m cleopatra, not because my pockets are full of chicken

When two cats walk side by side and do that thing where their tails wrap together, that's magic, that's a type of magic

There IS a left-wing agenda, and it’s to prioritize compassion over greed. Kindness isn't a limited resource.

funny how you can just eat a good dinner and put fresh linens on your bed and you suddenly feel like at least 50% less evil

things are only looking üp

and by things, we mean everyone, because the inevitable has happened and the hog now has height as well as width

I love when a chocolate bar acts like a serving is less than a chocolate bar.

I love foreshadowing. I've been foreshadowing stuff in my content for 10+ years and it still hasn't paid off and at this point I don't think anyone is going to notice when it does. Maybe I'm foreshadowing right now? Maybe you're in the shadow of earth shattering future events currently. Oh cryptic!

Scotland looks stiff this morning.

a where's waldo audio book would go CRAZY

Opening a restaurant named ‘Peace and Quiet’ where kids meals cost $80

having ideas to write : :D
writing said ideas : :(((((

I just realized I’ve been sitting here drinking a whole cup of hot water and never put a teabag in it

i hate when my stomach growls... just eat the fat oh my god

What if I quit my job to focus on soup. Just making soup and eating it