Missed opportunity for Mets/Mets

Juan Soto coming back to the mets:

Jeez, nobody’s safe from this toxic hellhole. I mean, welcome back!

Red lights are just optional now and no one even really talks about it

Yeah my edgy COVID take is that it was horrific and destroyed a very real part of me and people I love.

Almost everything you’ve ever heard about the CIA is true

horseshoe theory is real. leftists almost got kat abughazaleh elected into congress and now it comes out that her boyfriend owns infowars…

Who are the Mets 😂

The Onion finally taking the W on the Infowars settlement is some genuinely joyful news to take you through your Monday.

A text from Chuck Schumer asking me for money and me telling him to shut the fuck up.

Close enough.

No no no I’m trying to HELP my mental health

How often do you get to scream what the fuck is wrong with you at the top of your lungs?

If you move for an ambulance, and another car immediately fills the spot thus blocking the ambulance completely, screaming epithets at the other driver is not going to fix the situation, but it will absolutely help your mental health.

whats so crazy to me is the only job that chatbots could actually eliminate right now is ceo, every company could save millions today right now by replacing their ceo with a computer program that just parrots what other ceos say

RAMMSTEIN VOICE:
🎵 U, Uath, Uath Merch 🎵

The Athletic | The New York Mets are playing baseball the right way.

by Ezra Klein

Chuck Schumer’s only job is going swimmingly

We are all Vientos’s bat

I never thought Mets fans were exaggerating or anything, but after a mere 21 games of watching on a daily basis — most recently something about seeing Conforto tie it and Kimbrel lose it and PCA score the winner — I’m here to affirm that yours really is a uniquely dramatic agony

hey guys - i'm in a pretty dire housing situation right now. i have to move at the end of the month (lease expires) but prior plans w/ people completely fell apart & i'm back to square one. i'm looking for a room in Brooklyn, trans friendly, 1100 a month max, not a temporary sublet. plz let me know.

I'm not joking when I say mRNA technology is more important than "AI" and it's a tragedy we're throwing billions into one while our government is aggressively defunding the other.

Insane headways on the A too

have the Mets considered getting bangs

Disgusting

the Mets are such a funny team because they play in the biggest city in the country and have the second-highest payroll (including the largest contract in sports history!!!) yet still always seem like plucky underdogs because of their long and storied history of kicking themselves in the nuts

I didn't have to submit anything to postpone, I just really want to serve!

Local Woman Who Actually Wants to Be on Jury Once Again Summoned When She Literally Cannot Do It

Local hundred-millionaire needs la-la sing-song or his fee-fees are sad 😞

Mammas don’t let your babies grow up to be New York Times reporters