Tell us what stocks you invested in and we'll tell you where to hide during the revolution!

Sticking the beaks onto the penguins in the Antarctic.

Carving novelty messages into bullets in America.

Tilting the little replica towers in before selling them to tourists in Pisa

Making the canals slightly skinnier to fit more riverfront properties in Suez.

He then spent a while working and travelling.

Did a gig throwing peas off the top of the Eiffel Tower in france

Regulated how many limes a member of the congregation would throw into the pastor’s hat whenever they said the word “Jesus”. Increased it to 1. Cut the scurvy rate amongst clergy in half.

Regulated how cold the tea after church is.

Got a job in the church regulatory body, specifying, amongst other things, the exact ratio between the length of the “arms” and the “leg” of the crosses.

(Sorry i don't know the technical terms)

Then he moved into the medical field, pulling the fruit seeds out of people’s stomachs so trees didn’t grow in there.

Worked in construction licking the bottom of paving slabs to stick them to the floor.

Put dungarees on the minions

Spent some time teaching grandmas how to do backflips

He was befriending rats in the wild for local laboratories

Kicking holes in the wall for cash machines

Making ominous specific red stamps

Did some work putting the seeds in tomatoes with tweezers

He used to add the squeeks to door hinges

My brother has had a lot of odd and sometimes weird jobs in the past so I'll document some of them here 🧵

Pork pie? I don't think I will

Once you pop you can't stop

My dad could beat 1 billion chickens

What the actual fuck you valour stealing bastard *I* knocked that tooth out you scrupleless slab