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Posts by Shadows of Control

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How Domestic Abuse Victims Rationalize Their Abuser’s Behavior The psychological complexities of rationalizing abuse: learn about the ways domestic abuse victims find explanations for their abuser's actions.

Domestic abuse victims often rationalize the harm they endure, believing they are to blame or that the situation will improve. This thinking can trap them in the cycle of abuse, delaying the decision to seek help. #DomesticAbuseAwareness

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29 minutes ago 1 0 0 0
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Sabotage is a common tactic of control. Abusers often time their cruelty to damage your confidence, career, and independence.
#CoerciveControl #EmotionalAbuse

7 hours ago 3 0 0 0
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Economic Abuse Examples: Survivors Share Their Stories Explore real-life examples of economic abuse and its profound consequences on survivors' financial freedom and overall well-being.

These first----hand accounts offer a critical insight into the day-to-day realities of #economicabuse and help others understand how control over money can devastate a person’s sense of security and freedom.

shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...

17 hours ago 2 1 0 0
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What Survivors Wish They Were Told After Leaving Abuse Leaving an abusive relationship is often portrayed as the end of the story—as if once someone escapes, the hard part is over.

Leaving an abusive relationship is just the beginning. The bruises fade, but the silence, doubt, and emotional confusion remain. Hearing “you made the right choice” and “this wasn’t your fault” can help survivors heal and reclaim their voice.

shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...

1 day ago 1 0 0 0

After giving so much of ourselves to survive, we’re left feeling hollow, like an empty shell of who we used to be.

We wonder who we are without the rules, the chaos, or… them.

Rediscovering ourselves feels daunting, but it’s the only way forward—one small piece at a time. 🌱

#HealingJourney

1 day ago 0 0 0 0

Abusers isolate you by pitting you against others. They want you to lose trust in your friends, your family, and yourself. ⚠️

1 day ago 1 0 0 0
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If only one person is expected to give, shrink, or accommodate—it’s not love. It’s control.
#CoerciveControl

2 days ago 2 0 0 0
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Control doesn’t need physical chains. Psychological captivity can silence and suffocate just as powerfully.
#CoerciveControl

2 days ago 2 0 0 0

An abuser will create chaos, watch you try to fix it, and then use your reaction against you.

They’ll focus on the smoke you couldn’t contain and ignore the fire they started. 🔥🚩

#DomesticAbuseAwareness

2 days ago 2 0 0 0
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Gareth Jones' Devastating Ordeal at the Hands of Sarah Rigby Discover the harrowing story of Gareth Jones and the coercive control he endured in an abusive relationship.

Gareth Jones faced a harrowing ordeal at the hands of his girlfriend, Sarah Rigby. From forcing him to sleep on the floor to banning him from using the toilet, her relentless abuse left him isolated and stripped of his dignity. #CoerciveControl

shadowsofcontrol.com/storie...

3 days ago 0 1 0 0
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It’s never your fault. Gaslighting is designed to confuse, destabilize, and keep you trapped in a cycle of self-doubt.
#Gaslighting #DomesticAbuseAwareness

3 days ago 3 0 0 0
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Projection Explained: How Abusers Shift Blame to Maintain Control Discover the psychological tactic of projection in abusive relationships. Learn how abusers deflect blame and avoid taking responsibility.

Projection is when a #narcissist shifts their own undesirable traits, emotions, or behaviors onto their target in order to shield their fragile self-esteem.

shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...

3 days ago 1 0 0 0

Abusers rely on your silence.
They rely on your confusion.
They rely on you not knowing what’s happening.
Learning the patterns of abuse exposes their playbook.
And when you know what they’re doing, they lose power.
Awareness is the beginning of freedom.

#DomesticAbuseAwareness

3 days ago 6 0 0 0
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The Things We Tell Ourselves to Survive Abuse Abuse doesn’t only wound the body or violate boundaries, it rewires how we think just to make it through.

Abuse doesn’t just hurt—it rewires how we think, teaching us to rationalize, excuse, or minimize the harm to survive; survivors often tell themselves “it’s not that bad,” “if I just try harder,” or cling to the intermittent kindness. #SurvivorStrength

shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...

4 days ago 2 0 0 0
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Real freedom means autonomy, not just surviving harm. Survivors deserve to feel safe enough to make decisions without fear or control.
#DomesticAbuseAwareness #FreedomToChoose

4 days ago 2 1 0 0

Abuse doesn’t always look like bruises, threats or broken promises. Sometimes it looks like endless court hearings, false accusations, and drained bank accounts.

Abusers exploit legal systems to control, harass, or financially cripple their partners.

#LegalAbuse

5 days ago 1 0 0 0
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Verbal abuse is psychological warfare. It rewires your self-image and replaces it with their version of you.
#VerbalAbuse #DomesticAbuseAwareness

5 days ago 3 0 0 0
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Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse: One Woman's Journey of Emotional Healing (Video) Hear the courageous story of a narcissistic abuse survivor and how she found the strength to break free from a toxic cycle of emotional and mental torment.

A victim of #narcissisticabuse shares her story of enduring 24 years of emotional and mental torment from her husband. #SurvivorStory

shadowsofcontrol.com/video/...

5 days ago 1 0 0 0

Abusers often pull others into their games of control:
📌 To create jealousy.
📌 To isolate you from friends or family.
📌 To make you feel like you’re competing for their approval.

These manipulative tactics are all about maintaining power and domination.

#PsychologicalAbuse

5 days ago 3 1 0 0
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Understanding the Cycle of Abuse: How Abusive Patterns Play Out Understanding the cycle of abuse: from tension-building to the aftermath. Learn to recognize the signs and break the cycle.

From tension-building to abusive incidents, a period of calm, and then the same all over again! Learn to recognize the signs and break the cycle. #CycleOfAbuse

shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...

6 days ago 1 0 0 0
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You may have been controlled, but the power to reclaim your life still belongs to you.
#HealingJourney

6 days ago 1 0 0 0
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15 Warning Signs of Jealous and Possessive Behavior in a Relationship Recognize the signs of a jealous and possessive partner. Learn about the 15 red flags that indicate unhealthy and abusive behavior in your relationship.

A bit of #jealousy is normal in relationships, but when does it cross the line into control? Learn how to recognize possessiveness and identify when it turns abusive. #CoerciveControl

shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...

1 week ago 1 0 0 0
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Not everything is as it seems with a controlling abuser - even gestures, gifts, and generosity can come with a hidden agenda.

#coercivecontrol #emotionalabuse

1 week ago 2 0 0 0
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Reactive Abuse or Reactive Defense? How Mislabeling Harms DV Victims The term "reactive abuse" mislabels victims’ defensive reactions to provocation. The term "reactive defense" better reflects responses to coercive control and domestic abuse.

The term "reactive abuse" unfairly blames victims for their defensive reactions to provocation in abusive situations. This article argues that "reactive defense" is a more accurate way to describe these responses to #coercivecontrol and #gaslighting.

shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...

1 week ago 1 0 1 0
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“If I Just Tried Harder”: Survivors Share How Self-Blame Kept Them Trapped Self-blame is one of the most persistent scars left by emotional abuse. It doesn’t begin with obvious mistreatment. It begins with subtle doubts: Was I too needy?

Self-blame is one of the deepest wounds left by emotional abuse. Survivors often spend years believing they were “too sensitive,” “too needy,” or “the problem.” Gaslighting and manipulation make it feel like everything was their fault.

shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...

1 week ago 2 1 0 0

After years of domestic abuse & control, we wonder if we’re capable of living for ourselves. The doubt they planted lingers, making freedom feel daunting. But with time, every act of independence rebuilds confidence. We remember: we are strong, capable, & worthy of living a life that’s truly ours.

1 week ago 1 0 0 0

Domestic abusers may be:

🔸The friend who always picks up the bill
🔸The coworker who volunteers for every charity event
🔸The charming person who lights up a room
The most dangerous abusers are the ones who manage to deceive everyone.
#DomesticAbuseAwareness

1 week ago 2 1 0 0
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Public charm is not proof of private kindness. Many abusers protect their image while harming those closest to them.
#CoerciveControl

1 week ago 3 0 0 0
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Abuse often doesn’t “look like” what we expect. Many survivors only recognise it after validation from others.
#DomesticAbuseAwareness

1 week ago 5 3 0 0

Isolation isn’t a side effect of abuse—it’s a strategy. The more alone you are, the harder it is to see the truth, and the easier you are to control.

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