I keep making kissing noises at the new pet water fountain thinking someone's at the food bowls.

if you don't want me to bring in dead lizards and leave them on the bed that's FINE i'm only trying to be HELPFUL and AFFECTIONATE it's not like it's a big deal or anything i don't even care

My lot bring things in but never present them to me, which is surprisingly hurtful. I don't want the present, but at least ACT like it's a present for me!

11 secret ones, yup

Gddamn I hope Trump keeps violating his gag orders.

I think about The Smiler vs The Beast often when watching all the US late night talk shows 😑

Anyone remember the storyline from Transmetropolitan where one party was caught growing candidates in cloning vats to produce white men with a totally clean background which everyone would vote for?

No reason.

RIP Sir Jon Trimmer. You were a huge part of my childhood 🩰

My GP has dropped mask requirements. I feel so safe and cared for.

Two fat birdies in the rain outside my kitchen window 💚

He Tweets for us all

Physio: Anything bad happen on Fri 13th?

Me: Don't think so. You?

Physio: Nah. Well a demon was summoned, but I think it only had tea.

I have so many questions.

More to the point, my tiny rats are burnt out.

My tiny rats are tired.

It's my Friday, it's been a very long week, I'm training today (aka my actual job aka 4 hours straight of talking and actually Being Engaged woth my trainees) and I'm just sitting in my kitchen with my empty coffee mug thinking "Gddamn I love my nails"

a lot of people online have to get a fucking grip lately. not me obviously

There was a fledgling in my kitchen/dining area all day because when I initially searched for the source of the noise & couldn't find it I assumed someone had built a particularly loud nest on my roof.

Bought my lunch today. Asked for the biryani. Was told no, because that wasn't biryani. It looks like biryani, but it's not biryani.

Glad my lunch wasn't as horrifically burnt as I was.

Trying to avoid working by reading an article on inattentive-type ADHD but can't concentrate on it. Riddle me THAT, Batman.

As a leftie it never occurred to me I could be involved in Fountain Pen Action.

Crone has no season

Yeah those heliotropes are problematic.

Already done, will do more this evening 😈

And all those 'I'm xyz over there!' tweets I've been ignoring seem to have disappeared...

Who do I follow on the other thing but don't have here yet? I can only stalk so much, think of my battery!

Hey dickbags 👋