Hey guys, do you think Dana Gould has ever had marital relations with his wife while wearing the Dr. Zaius mask?

He must have at least pitched the idea...

Maybe he can get Rupaul to slap him?

*Now* it looks like Jesus...

They recorded a podcast, had a robot transcribe it, then had another robot read the transcript back out loud.
This is what happens when you take humans out of the decision-making process.

In honor of Charlie Kirk, the White House shot it down.

classy move, not updating the headshot.

If Obama had his thumb on the scales as much as Trump, Miscrosoft would still be making the Zune.

damn near perfect joke. my only edit:

'That's a 3:1 Horatio'

always put the funny part at the end.

Lord Nelson was 5ft 6in. His statue is 17ft 4in.
That’s Horatio of 3:1.

The bartender at my local pub knew him when he worked at Navy Yard. Said he seemed alright.

Do you get the commerical where the spokesman trusts his life to a couple of guys who made a wallet?

that *does* sound like a big story to tell.

They should be struggling our future and shaping to pay their bills?

not that I disagree, but explain Susie Wiles...

You mean that show where they cook everything above their head?

He's gone after the 1st amendment, the 4th amendment, and now the 2nd?
At this rate they're gonna make me let some Corporal crash on my couch.

So the Liberty Mutual emu commercials... I think that actor got the job because he owns the bird.

"The police shot someone for no reason!" reports astonished white person.

British Television presenter Johnathan Ross.

RIP to Wossy's inbox.

By their standards, I've been "run over by a car" like 20 times (so far!)

Luckily for Trump, none of his supporters have ever gotten mouthy with the authorities.

And for the last 50 years, American taxpayers have subsidized their national defense.

Frankenstein was the Doctor, the monster was the friends we made along the way.

... uh, i think it's pronounced 'shibboleth'

This year’s Halloween costume.

fingers crossed, the doctors are democrats.

No wonder they call Mamdani a Socialist, Cuomo just got publicly owned.

You think Seinfeld is pissed he didn't get an offer?

'Jealous' means you're afraid someone will take something you have.
'Envy' is when you want something someone else has.