We need a matriarchy run by lesbians with clipboards and earpieces who do not take any shit.

I'm a knife guy but not, like, a Knife Guy. I mean, I love knives. They're rad and handy and dangerous and dangerous is cool and I swear I'm not a Knife Guy. I can't do any tricks or whatever and yeah, I always have one on me, but only one. I just f'n love knives and want more knives NOT A KNIFE GUY

BREAKING: A jury has found Live Nation and Ticketmaster to be an illegal monopoly that overcharges fans.

After the federal government settled the case, 34 states kept pursuing the giant ticket and concert company.

Now, the states have won.

All dogs go to heaven, all cats go to Sto'Vo'Kor.

you shouldn’t learn about bands from shady TikTok manipulation, you should learn about bands by hanging out with a girl you like but are also extremely afraid of

golly it's a taco tuesday miracle

jfc this garbage pail kids ass government

Quantum regulations are both inclusive and racist until observed

Tkt Smart GIF Alt: The man tapping his head in the “smart” meme

TSA wait times won’t matter when there’s no more jet fuel

When it's all over, at least no one will have learned anything

the media is now telling people to work from home to save on gasoline, immediately after their years-long crusade to tell us why returning to office is best for everyone. this isn't a gotcha, it's an example of how contradicting demands allow the ruling class to blame us no matter what we do

Self-care is over. We're spelling "calm" with a B now. Calmb. Feels good. Feels right.

I have made several earnest attempts to utilize discord for the myriad things it's supposed to be the best at, and I don't know man. I have some sort of xennial block where I just can't wrap my head around the UI or wumpus or whatever and nah. Hit me up on AIM. ICQ if you're nasty.

I've seen his exact energy in person from other afghanistan vets and i'm telling you - what we're seeing right now are the actions of a legitimately clinically derranged man who sleeps with his exit strategy under his pillow.

Like, yeah, he's a cringy drunken dickless man-child, but everyone is avoiding what i think is the most important thing which is that his brains are scrambled in a very real way that makes him unpredictable and dangerous to literally the whole world.

a woman wearing a hat is sitting in a crowd of people in a black and white photo . ALT: a woman wearing a hat is sitting in a crowd of people in a black and white photo .

I'm aware this is in poor taste, but I gotta get on record as calling this:
I believe that in 2026, (maybe 2027) Pete Hegseth will eat a bullet.
And whether it's cuz he's convicted of war crimes or cuz he fucks up so bad that even *he* can't live with it, I bet he posts his note (vid?) to Twitter.

It’s a bad achievement but a real achievement that we somehow managed to launch a war that was unpopular on day 1 instead of unpopular in year 10. We love that shit it was like the thing we always did. It’s like Winnie the Pooh spitting out honey.

A spectacular graphic I made on my phone using about 12 different fonts. It reads The Secretary of War and The Department of War present… DEFINITELY NOT A WAR! Starring: warfighters!

I’m bad at graphic design, but they’re worse at lying

a new global pandemic would be REALLY funny right now.

EST

It's unbearable. The internet is for old people now. There is no form of art or expression left iunmonetized. Nothing is fun without stealing from you. I check ground news headlines 3x/day and scroll bluesky for about 30sec to see if civil war started, but other than that, I'm grossed out and donezo

I am unfortunately also a Hank. But in my defense, my attitude towards shoveling snow is the same as doing gay porn: if I'm gonna get fucked by 12 inches, I'd rather deal with three inches four times than tackle all 12 at once. Also ocd lol

We cannot have a woman president because they are too emotional, you see.

I wanted to see if this amazing photo would be even funnier in b/w, and I'm happy to report that yes—yes it is.

Having a good time ruining someone else's good time is our national pastime.

2025 is the year of toxic individualism

It's all just so fucking boring. Predictable, hack, soulless, lowest-common-denominator slop. People are fr dying so our leaders can make low-effort deep cable reality TV. The most boring people imaginable making the most boring content ever to be wedged betwixt ads for gambling apps and dick pills

Real Corndog Talk: Upon completion of the corndog proper, If you ain't frantically nibbling off the crispy burnt batter from the stick like a cartoon mouse eating corn on the cob, then you ain't really corndoggin', dawg.

When Evil Lurks may be one of the greatest horror films ever made and I cannot in good conscience recommend it to anyone ever for any reason jfc my soul

If I die and there's an afterlife but it turns out god is a daddy long legs, I'm fuckin cooked, son.