Remember when they were like-
"Twitter is now called X." And we were all like- "yeah...no it isn't."

10 followers. Is this what they mean by going viral?

15 years.

People judge classical music too harshly.
I think it's out of line to call one of Beethoven's symphonies a movement....
#jokes

Ya ever think about how many more cars you would run into if you could guarantee that your car would go undamaged?

#jokes #cars #comedy #standupcomedy #CarWreck

Now that my parents have gotten rid of cable and switched exclusively to streaming services, I have been promoted from son to full time tech support.

#jokes #comedy #comedian #parents #it #technology #joke #momanddad #old #funny #standupcomedy #standup

Not Sold Out- Comedian Carl Giannetto #standupcomedy #comedian #standup #comedy #fail #caseys #soldout #crowdwork #clips #laugh #standupcomedian #audience #lol #joke #jokes #funny #trending #viralreels #fyp #explore #viral #trend #share #top

I'm addicted to narcan.

#jokes #comedy

There are multiple accounts out there pretending to not be me and are asking people for money. But the fact is, they are me. Don't be fooled. If you get a message from someone asking for money, its me.
#scam #comedy #funny #realme #fraud

My back hurts

My laundry needs to be folded

I can't read

Wiping issues

I buy cheap jeans.

That one time...you know.

Ongoing List Of Reasons Why I Can't and Won't Break 10 Followers-

•I'm not interesting
•I'm not attractive
•I'm TOO attractive
•Lack of networking skills
•My milk allergy
•Sometimes I count on my fingers
•Not enough badunkadunk
•Too much badunkadunk
•I have dirty glasses

That one time...you know.

A visit to Five Below never cost less than $5 when your fiance spends over 200 a trip.

#5below #fiance #expensive #comedy #jokes #RelationshipGoals #marriagecomedy

Gained some weight recently. Put on a little heft. Fortunately, Hefty is the number one garbage bag.
#positivespin #joke #jokes #comedy #comedian

I don't know what's worse, the fact that they made 3 Hotel Transylvania movies or the fact that my fiancè made me watch all 3 in a row last night. #jokes #comedy #Halloween #movies #joke #HotelTransylvania #watch

If you lived on the streets of Venice, you would drown.

#joke #jokes #comedy #comedian #venice #italy

Dancing with the Stars?
More like Dancing with the "Oh yeah, I forgot about that guy."
#dancingwiththestars #tv #comedy #jokes #funny #comedian

Why are there no Emergency entrances?

#questions #joke #emergency

🎟-THIS WEEK
•Saturday August 30th 9pm
Hammer's Hideaway in #olin #iowa
www.facebook.com/share/174E8f...

•Sunday August 31st 3pm
K&M Korner in #waterloo #iowa
www.facebook.com/share/1CPieq...

#comedy #standupcomedy #comedian #standup #standupcomedian #tour #comedyshow #saturday #sunday #thisweek

Finally! A lemonade that's not so promiscuous. #jokes #funny #comedy #sips #drinks

My spirit animal is road kill. #jokes #joke #comedy #roadkill #Spiritanimal #roadkill #funny

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny guys."
#batsignal #batman #memes #joke #comedy #funny

"I need 20 ccs of a turkey sandwich, STAT!"

#hospital #EmergencyRoom #er #snacks #Munchies #doctor #joke #comedy #pic #funny

I've been seeing alot of talk online and I've noticed it starting to POP up in stores and I just want to set the record straight...
Halloween is NOT right around corner. It's still July for Christ's sake.

#halloween #jokes #joke #complaints #funny #comedian #july

Whoever invented the bed deserves a medal. Whoever invented the pillow deserves an award. Whoever invented the alarm clock deserves to be beaten to a pulp.
#jokes #joke #funny #bed #comedy