omg u must save so much money cleaning ur own teeth

if someone buys me the tools i will livestream myself cleaning my own teeth

i'm literally positive i can do it just need the tools

i can definitely do it

no i get why it seems like that but i could for sure do this

My toxic trait is that I 100% believe I could clean my own teeth if I could buy dental tools online (but it's not even really a toxic trait because I could definitely do this).

this is the correct reaction

It's true; I had at least one existential crisis and three panic attacks during this episode. But in a fun way! 😃 Check it out at the link (assuming your health insurance covers therapy).

"This month is crazy. Let's check back in when it's 'Beagle puppy napping in a sunbeam.'"

(my calendar is all Beagle puppies)

I always thought I wanted more emoji react options for Instagram stories but it turns out it has ruined my life 🙂

he's v serious about wanting all my attention back (although this is also his just-woke-up-from-an-under-the-covers-nap face)

Incredible festival, by us and for us #CovidCautious folks! So affirming to spend 5 days online with other covid-safer performers making art from & around our experiences of the last 6y. Really looking forward to what's next from all the organizers and artists!

a smol dachshund-mix who is impressed by you

Pierro and I are thinking of you 💗 I hope this isn't a dumb or patronizing thing to say but I'm consistently impressed by how you are handling everything that is being thrown at you from all directions all the time.

he's just a little guy

Show me a picture on your phone that has your energy that isn't a selfie.

you're welcom(inions)e

A minions meme from Reddit that says: If being cool was illegal, I'd be a criminal. Not because I'm cool, but because I shot my wife.

This is a good point; I should clarify. CCH Pounder is the *coolest* name. Then you have silliest names (Benedict Cumberbatch; Fyvush Finkel), and you also have "how tf is that your actual name?" names (Imogen Gay Poots).

do they...do they think we don't already know that machines are faster than humans?

Screenshot of an Instagram story triptych PANEL 1: Save the dates! INSPIRE: AN ONLINE PERFORMING ARTS FESTIVAL BY AND FOR THE AIRBORNE AWARE April 15-19, 2026 View the lineup of events and RSVP at tinyurl.com/InspireFest2026 PANEL 2: The first ever @inspireperformingartsfestival was successful beyond our WILDEST dreams!!! 😭 Over the course of five days, we had over 100 attendees from at least 12 different countries! Heartfelt thanks to everyone who came 💗 We are already planning future events for you... #InspireAirAwareFest PANEL 3: Zoom profile pic of me wearing an N95 respirator and holding Pierro on my lap in a spotlight on a stage. Above the photo it says "INSPIRE FESTIVAL 2026"

A smol dachshund-mix standing on a bed and looking sleepy. Caption below him reads: ok that is nice mom but now u can go back to giving all ur attention to me

That's a wrap on #InspireAirAwareFest and we are absolutely BLOWN AWAY by the response we got!!! 🥹 Thank you *so* much to everyone who participated - more events to come! Pierro is relieved that I can now resume devoting 100% of my attention to him (as I should).

#covidconscious
#maskup 😷
#covid

WOW JUST SAY YOU HATE ACRONYMS

michael how dare u i staked my reputation on this

THE HITS KEEP COMING!!!

heard he got canceled

OMG THIS IS SO COOL!!

the long version is so beautiful 🥹

omg i didn't realize she was from THE pounder family

If you want to know the best name in the world, it's "CCH Pounder." We honestly should have just stopped doing names after her.

I absolutely get what you mean 😂