We’re not owned by a billionaire. We ARE a billionaire! Thanks to me - £1.3 BILLION and counting 🍾💰

Forget me (the Guardian’s £1.3bn nest egg) - just hand over your money!

Do it or you can’t read this article!

We don’t want to spend me so please cough up some cash so we can resist authoritarianism something something Trump something

Did you know the Guardian has £1.3bn (me) tucked away? But we don’t want to spend it so PLEASE give us your money won’t you?

Yum yum yum yum. Money money money money. I am making £shitloads in interest rn 💪🤑.

Happy back to work all!

(No self respecting billionaire goes back first week of Jan)

May your 2025 at the office be filled with asset stripping, capital investing, labour exploitation and lots of lovely profit.

🤑

Remembering at Christmas time all those strivers with less than £1bn in the bank…

Unlucky, losers!!!

And remember - capital is all that matters. 💪

Here ends my Christmas message

🎄💰👍

Important message follows….

This is what you’re up against…

A media ecosystem dominated by a handful of ME!

😂😂🤑🤑💰💰

Shhhh… don’t tell anyone but we DO have a billionaire proprietor. Me and the Scott Trust!

In the meantime… FEEL GUILTY AND GIVE ME YOUR MONEY

I thank you 👍🤑

Important message follows….

Shhhh… don’t tell anyone but we DO have a billionaire proprietor. Me and the Scott Trust!

In the meantime… FEEL GUILTY AND GIVE ME YOUR MONEY

I thank you 👍🤑

This is what you’re up against…

A media ecosystem dominated by a handful of ME!

😂😂🤑🤑💰💰

Money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money

On the picket line at Guardian: 'Observer, Observer, James Harding don't deserve her!' Guardian strike: In depth pictures and reports from Guardian HQ has staff stage first strike at title in more than 50 years.

Put a sock in it, proles! You know your problem?

You don’t know anything about growing wealth.

And THAT as you should know by now is the purpose of me and my keepers.

pressgazette.co.uk/news/guardia...

Oh piss off peasants

Greetings from moneybags towers! Did you know we pay our three most senior people salaries of over £500k EACH? Yum lovely money. 💰💰💰

Oh god the minions are on strike tomorrow

Apparently it’s about my keepers ditching the Observer. Well, revolting losers, you’re not getting your hands on any of ME for your journalism. No sirree! Peasants! 😝🤑💰

(Although happy to chuck a few mill to get a load of pesky journalists off my books. 💪)

Oh god the minions are on strike tomorrow

Apparently it’s about my keepers ditching the Observer. Well, revolting losers, you’re not getting your hands on any of ME for your journalism. No sirree! Peasants! 😝🤑💰

(Although happy to chuck a few mill to get a load of pesky journalists off my books. 💪)

How much money are YOU going to make today?

If my fund managers don’t screw up and I match inflation I should make…

*£83,000* by midnight!

Read it and weep losers!

🥂🍾🥂🍾🥂🍾🥂🍾🥂

How much money are YOU going to make today?

If my fund managers don’t screw up and I match inflation I should make…

*£83,000* by midnight!

Read it and weep losers!

🥂🍾🥂🍾🥂🍾🥂🍾🥂

G’morning folks! (Just woken up from the strangest dream where I was arguing about the growth imperative with Thomas Picketty. 🤣)

Anyway, says here the rich and powerful are ‘getting away’ with stuff. But being rich and powerful is THE BEST. I should know!

Go late-stage capitalism!! 💪🔥💰

Correction *owned by the Scott Trust*.

Btw happy to meet stashes from all over and of any identity. I am an equal opportunities pile of lucre 🏦

Morning! Any other billion-plus trust funds out there? I’m keen to connect with like-minded piles of wonga. ❤️💸

About me:
£1.3bn investment fund owned by the Guardian.
Fat stash.
Expanding.

@alphaville.ft.com
@robertshrimsley.bsky.social
@faisalislam.bsky.social
@nabiha.bsky.social

Morning @theguardian.com! It’s your bags of money here. I can report I am doing well.. fattening up nicely.

The CEO and ed-in-chief mega-salaries are safe.

Phew!

Money money money money money money money money money

We’re not owned by a billionaire. We ARE a billionaire! Thanks to me - £1.3 BILLION and counting 🍾💰

Just going to count myself. I’m sure all my investments did very well in the post Trump election mini-boom. Whoop! More lovely spondoolies!

Greetings from moneybags towers! Did you know we pay our three most senior people salaries of over £500k EACH? Yum lovely money. 💰💰💰

Morning! Last month the Guardian's US editor raised almost $2m in the space of a weekend ahead of the Trump election... pressgazette.co.uk/north-americ...

BUT did you know that the Guardian has a trust fund - held by a private company - that is currently worth just under £1.3bn? Woohoo! Loaded! 💰💰💰