Feeling such a strong urge to hand sew myself a historically accurate court jester motley suit

moby-dick, his eyes enormous: from hell's heart you STAB at moby? for hate's sake you spit your last BREATH at moby? oh! oh! the great shroud of the sea for ahab! the great shroud of the sea rolling on as it rolled five thousand years ago!!!!

12. We are Cajun, you see.

I’m a lifelong latenight shithead and this is a huge and unnatural shift

Sometimes getting older feels like wading out into an ocean and I think I’ve dropped off the coastal shelf between “staying up late is fun/I don’t wanna go to bed” and “bedtime is drugs now”

Stockholders aren’t real. They’re just made up little guys. They don’t actually do anything.

I'm listening to a lot of self help books and one of them's about discovering your internal personalities, like the inner critic, the inner child or whatever. I haven't done the exercises because I know I've got some weird little guys in here. I don't want to meet all these fuckin Gollums

11. Life's too short.

10. Glem's contraption.

9. This cold open. Has nothing to do with the episode.

Calling slide shows "decks" is a survival mechanism. People only do it when they are under extreme stress.

8. THE CURSE. I love it when Strip Law does neon.

I know I shouldn't get mad at the no interiority guy. There's other things I gotta be doing. I can't get derailed by the zero self-reflection guy. I can't imagine slapping his bald head and it makes a sound like a bongo

I saw the guy who says he doesn't self-reflect because nobody did that 400 years ago. I'll say it again: being that rich, brain-wise, is the same as getting kicked in the head by a horse.

The fact that these things are real and exist in the physical world is crazy. They're literally in a location right now. At this very moment they are in a room.

7. I almost pissed my pants the day Lauren came up with this. Also the way Lincoln runs around on all fours is so disgusting, I love it.

6. The Hot Dates. I've gotten to hold these puppets several times btw.

5. Bikini Kill

4. I'm actually just a nondescript young man.

We see the credits scroll for Glemtastrophe for maybe one second, so I only just caught this today. Glem Blorchman's Wardrobe Provided by The Grocery Store.

3. Janelle James' line reading on "YES!"

2. I would.

1. Rupert Grint's Fractions Dungeon

Here's a few of my favorite Strip Law jokes:

That'd be Ben Rodgers!

That's exactly what I was hoping for: to make five or six people in the whole world feel kind of crazy for a second

Thank you!!!! It’s my first show so I’m shamelessly name searching it constantly

I’ve decided to buy one of those cars that cruella de ville drives. Catch me driving the kind of car that has a front hood that looks like a wedge of cheese. I’m gonna die in a fender bender because the body of my car is made of fuckin cast iron skillet

I think I’d a lady in gigantic shoes to smash my brain into individual molecules

My medical provider answers every question like “Thanks for asking! Yes, that is covered. Unfortunately, this means that it is not covered. Hope this clarifies!”