Also, I’m not prude when it comes to sex, but c’mon man! The vibrator and pocket pussy ads are WAY outta hand! That shit shouldn’t be popping up on anyone’s algorithm.

I’ve been going back on Twitter here-and-there just to check out the chaos and that stupid ad of a dog taking a shit in a calendar collection is getting pretty fucking annoying. I’ve blocked it, I’ve reported it. I don’t want to see it, and it just keeps coming back!

I’m thirsty as fuck for Steve Martin for some reason today.

Man, rock my shit bro.

This is art.

“Swallow me whole, here I come.”

How do I even undress this?
Use me.

Dick me down you fucking psycho.

The orgasm I would give that man could cause earthquakes.

Oh be my dentist baby.

Steve Martin could get me pregnant. He could fuck me silly until I open a dimensional void.

“A bit out of your depth… aren’t you little ones”

This is cartooning at its best. The scene, the lines. Rad shit here.

So I double-dog-dared my friend to go into this sex store downtown after we were walking back from brunch. I was about to walk out there with a vibrater strong enough to knock my my prostate loose.

Snitches get stitches, bitches.

I think I wanna talk about sitting onto my toilet so fast and hard that I snapped the seat in half. I parked my ass so violently that it cost me $35 bucks to replace. It’s a “no slam.”

Honestly, the wind has some audacity. Like, who gave it permission to slap us in the face first thing in the morning? Nature’s just out here testing our patience. Go ahead and yell, I’ll hold your coffee.

I went to brunch with a girlfriend of mine yesterday afternoon and I think I have a leftover steak burrito in the fridge that my mouth is soaked for. It’s just watering thinking about.

My friend ate all my Starburst jelly beans last night. I mean, just sucked them up like a vacuum! Bitch ate all my cheese sticks too. Now I gotta go back to the grocery stupid store.

Please shut the fuck up.

Girlfriend I am telling you!

Obama era you was all wit, style, and glam, effortless power moves in stilettos. Now it’s grit, utility, and no time for bullshit. But babe, resistance doesn’t mean losing the sparkle. Gird thy loins, yes, but keep the edge sharp and the energy fierce. The world needs your fire and your flair.

Alright, I’m back on my bullshit.

My couch catches farts like softball practice.

Kharlo, you are a freak.

a cartoon of a woman with netflix written on the bottom right ALT: a cartoon of a woman with netflix written on the bottom right

“Good Morning morning.Good morning sun, good morning trees, good morning busy buzzy bees.

80th post hoe. Come at me bro.

The perfect companion.

Charlotte Clymer is a National Treasure.

I’m gonna wait till tonight to finish my She-Devil watch. I was too lazy to ever get curtains for the living room, and the sun is blasting its light all over in its glory.

Now see, this is why I wish you still had some sort of forum. You liked my Skeet (or whatever the fuck we’re calling it now). I’m so honored you responded, but actually wanna get down to the nitty-gritty without clogging up your thread. I even use Oxford commas!

They bout to fuuuuuuuuuuuk.