A looksmaxxing Transformer, call it Vehicular *catapults phone into the sun

He was telling me all this stuff about how he goes blind at any given time or that his arms will stop working. I hate when my Uber driver tries to make conversation.

Counting 1 2 3 4 5 8 9 10 because the kids said I’m too unc for 6 7.

Hop on my back, let's fly too close to the sun today

I tried manifesting feeling younger and woke up with a zit on my nose. Fml

Me trying to be normal

I'm getting a burger at the burger factory, she said Americanly.

a white frog is sitting on top of a white plate on a table . Alt: a white frog is sitting on top of a white plate on a table .

Me when my favorite song comes up on my playlist

Girl snack... but it's just all the things my kid doesn't eat anymore in a giant ziplock bag. 😕

I am preparing for spring by refreshing the pantry moth traps.

(We had an infestation several years ago and it was so incredibly nasty, I will be vigilant and proactive forevermore)

Mutuals & Me

Mutuals & Me

😂😂😂🏅🏅🏅 @shitpostsintiaras.bsky.social we have a score to settle!

If two vegans get into a fight, is it still considered beef

a man and a boy are standing next to each other in a room . Alt: a man and a boy are standing next to each other in a room .

My therapist, after hearing about my week

😂😂

Single-panel cartoon showing a woman saying "It's raining men." Facing her is a man saying "Not all men."

a b & w pic of a woman holding a sign that says, I'm evil

logging on

Thinking of changing the name of my utopia design consultancy to Island of Stability. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Island_of_stability

Thinking of changing the name of my utopia design consultancy to Island of Stability.

The Italicized Triscuit

If you ever wake up in a bed made out of Crunch Berries next to a cow in a purple tutu, don't eat the bacon on the nightstand. It will turn you into a spoon.

topographical map showing Iran, the Persian Gulf, and the Strait of Hormuz. The text 'SATIRE' is watermarked over the map, which has labels for 'Kharg Island', 'Persian Gulf', 'IRAN', 'Strait of Hormuz', and 'Gulf of Oman'. Below the map, a headline on a black background reads: "Nation Relieved To Learn Strait Of Hormuz Reopened, Closed, Reopened, Closed Again Just In Time For Stock Market to Open"

#satire #hormuz

Thank you, European spa culture.

I discovered that you can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed simply by forgetting your anniversary!

#GnomonTV "Forbidden Kant" The Krell forgot one thing ... Kantians, John! Kantians from the Id ...!

#GnomonTV

It's sooo good. 😋

you and i could put the hoot in cahoots

i wish i knew what some of you were talking about

I have a beekeeping joke, but the end stings!

Not Myers-Briggs or Enneagram but which Bravolebrity scandal do you identify as?

I am a Girardi embezzlement wing Scandoval