The Onion wants to make us submissive slaves to the New world order.

Correct.

TAke a look, y'all:

whoever coined this should be given a ticker tape parade

Image from Mario Kart World featuring Cow

Discount Wario art! #Cow #MarioKartWorld #NintendoSwitch2

Fractures Emerge Between GOP’s Pro-Pedophilia, Extremely Pro-Pedophilia Wings

i feel partially responsible as a terminally online 23 year old mouse vtuber, so sorry about that

def worth it esp on steam with mods. you can mod spongebob's look to the original model if that sounds fun (and all the mods are very well made for it)

og's art direction is like classic spongebob. new art direction is modern. i.e., i prefer old.

Giving Tim Heidecker infowars is the first, but not the last, instance of The People's Joker becoming real life

Let me tell you a story. When I was a child, I suffered from night terrors. It was always the same dream: I could hear my family and neighbors wailing in the street outside as they were pursued and then destroyed by a nameless malevolent force, something neither I nor anyone else could control, a great darkness that was, somehow, all my fault. Today, that childhood dream is finally coming true. Today I can finally say the sweetest nine or 10 words in the English language: Global Tetrahedron has completed its plan to control InfoWars.com. I’ve had a lot of time to think about InfoWars in the last year and a half. As the seasons have changed, my ambitions for the project have grown grander, crueler, better aligned with market data. Come, friends, and imagine with me…

Imagine a roaring arena packed to the rafters with pathological liars. High above you in the nosebleeds are podcasters, screaming that you’ll die if you don’t buy their skincare products. Below, on the floor, imagine demonic battalions of super-influencers physically forcing people into home fitness devices designed to dismantle their bodies bone by bone and reassemble them into a grotesque statue of yourself. Out of the throngs, an extremely sick looking man approaches you. He puts his hands on your shoulders. He explains that he is your life coach and that you owe him $800. Such is the InfoWars I envision: An infinite virtual surface teeming with ads. Not just ads, but scams! Not just scams, but lies with no object, free radical misinformation, sentences and images so poorly thought out that they are unhealthy even to view for just a few seconds. The InfoWars of old was only the prototype for the hell I know we can build together: A digital platform where, every day, visitors sacrifice themselves at altars of delusion and misery, their minds fully disintegrating on contact.

With this new InfoWars, we will democratize psychological torture, welcoming brutal and sadistic ideas from everyone, even the very stupidest among us. It will be like the Manhattan Project, only instead of a bomb, we will be building a website. The InfoWars of tomorrow will converge into a swirling vortex of content about content, talent acquiring talent, rings of concentric media mergers processing all human artistry into one endlessly digestible slurry. This will be a dank, sunless place, one where panic and capital feed on each other like twins in the womb of a hulking, unknowable monster—a monster known by many names, but which I like to call modern-day America. All of this is to say that I believe in us. I believe that with the new InfoWars, we can alchemize the pioneering spirit of amateur inquiry, the profit-maximizing drive of corporations, and the cold mental clarity that comes only with disciplined daily ingestion of mind- and body-altering chemicals. If we can do that, what other great things can we do together?

I don’t yet know, but I’m excited to find out. Welcome home, warriors. The future belongs to us. We’re writing the story now. It’s going to be a long one, and it’s going to be a bad one. So settle in. Make yourself comfortable. Buy a tote bag. Nothing can stop us now that we’re in charge of a website. Infinite Growth Forever, Bryce Tetraeder, CEO, Global Tetrahedron

We have a deal. theonion.com/at-long-last...

to be genuine for a moment, working for the onion in this era has been one of the greatest experiences of my life so far. good things will continue to come

idc about interpretation, he just ruined the yuri

i actually think they should keep alex jones and his show 100% the same, just that they're not paying him. add a studio audience of like five stoned commies.

jubilation lee aka jubilee of Marvel comics xmen in a midcentury modern inspired retro pinup girl style in a bright cyan yellow and magenta mod dress posing against a yellow background with sparkles meant to evoke her fireworks inspired superpower behind her

first drawing in months

sometimes those people are the same and it's so weird tho like the cognitive dissonance. anyway. be nice to each other and don't talk shit unless it's productive shit talking

we do unfortunately live in a society and i will bide my time with people working to reinforce community over people looking to keep it as small as they can

i don't fuck with "i don't owe anyone anything" mentality anymore. look back at all the times you weren't owed something and yet someone gave it to you

if your stance is that you can never not vote for a political party no matter what they do or promise to do than you aren't actually an active participant in politics. you've declared yourself unpersuadable and safe, they never have to listen to you now.

hunter schafer should tell him about ethel cain

write something terrible, is my advice. like genuinely, just write something god awful. commit to it. you can then spend time making the terrible thing better having already done the hard part of actually writing anything at all.

elsa lanchester is one of the best to ever do it.

Early 3D Pokemon renders by Keiji Kinebuchi from the late 1990s that got my brain wired up

WELCOME TO TOMODACHI LIFE CUNO

Freak and young

it's sooo endearing. every game ive played that people have called a dad game is always, like, "having a child is a burden unlike no other and these challenges teaches me they are human just like me"

pragmata is nonstop "oh a kid is an endless font of surprises, new experiences, and joy"

Everyone's actions and what they make "says" something about them. He just made something that said quite a bit.

some people replying about what this "says" about Doug Walker

I think he just recognizes he was a part of a team who made something and not everyone needs to like it and everyone is within their right to critique it as boldly or mildly as they wish

Bluesky WORLDWIDE DAY OF PLAY WE'RE OUTSIDE PLAYING AND YOU SHOULD BE, TOO!