Cool! Birth control that you wear on your face!

There's the dark humour dopamine hit I needed today.

Thank you for your service!

NFT.

Pretty sure that in order to prove defamation, the plaintiff needs to be able to show harm to his reputation. Going to be pretty hard when you're already starting at rock bottom; discovery'll be fun!

In my day job I’m a quant nerd and get that. In baseball, I take any voodoo I can. It might conjure a gork. Or a flare. Or a *ball with eyes* that sends a guy to the Hall or a team to Game 7. I don’t know how super they are (evidence this year varies) but thanks for understanding my stitions!

I’m just hoping to not say the wrong thing, or think the wrong thing, or eat the wrong thing, or think about saying I might eat the wrong thing, and maybe make it worse. #oogabooga

Oh man don’t put that out into the universe.

Or if they do them too well, everyone gets bored and we get Orban and Erdogan and Trump. I think I read that somewhere. Apparently there’s a sweet spot.

Discovery is gonna be 🔥🔥🔥

Add Ann Coulter to Rand Paul and the Pope on my “Never thought I’d agree with them but we live in crazy land” list.

I thought Iran wasn’t a war. Damn it’s hard to keep up.

Bu now, anyone who provides a service to anything with even a homeopathic amount of “Trump” in it and doesn’t insist on prepayment, deserves what’s not coming to them.

I hadn’t heard that saying until now, but I love it.

Who are you gonna believe, the Fox “News” talking heads on every public TV in sight, or the desiccated beaver tail masquerading as chow?

I’m gonna guess you can’t print what they’re *actually* saying unless you update the style guide.

I read somewhere that it’s more costly to launch something into the sun than it is to launch something into orbit around it. I posit that in the case of the UCP, it would be worth it.

Grew up Anglican; same deal. Catholic Lite: all the salvation, half the guilt. Still lapsed, but damn… this administration has me agreeing with Rand Paul and the Pope. Down is up, hot is cold, cats are chasing dogs…

And here I was all excited with the one that had a springy dance floor. I bet the people who redesigned the Commodore in Vancouver never even considered adding anti-missile capabilities. Phtt.

If you build it, they will come. They will come with sledgehammers, pickaxes, bulldozers, dynamite, and full bladders, but they will definitely come.

Goddammit Trump, stop making me agree with Rand Paul.

Democrats really screwed up when they dropped the “Weird” narrative.

It’s 8 wars now? Is that gross or net?

Counterpoint: imagine if they don’t because it doesn’t because the world is apparently run by a bunch of drunken lemurs?

I suspect the Pope sounds "woke" to many Christian conservatives because the US is steeped in prosperity theology, where the point of worship is to deliver health and wealth to believers. Thus, "feed the hungry" and "show mercy for the poor" sounds needlessly political and "woke."

Them are good apples.

This is a strategy known as "Pickin' up nickels in front of steamrollers." It works great right up until you lose your third dimension.

For decades, Republicans proclaimed themselves the Party of Law and Order. This Congress is taking a different approach.

Pitchbot? Is that you?

After 10 years watching this clown parade stumble from disaster to embarrassment to clusterf*ck, it’s a Twitter feud with the Pope that’s the final straw? I guess we should welcome them to the light side, but yeesh…