Shoe repairs and key cutting. Oh, that’s already a thing. Cobblers!

They justified the different accents in ‘Death of Stalin’ by pointing out they were all from different parts of the USSR so would have all sounded different anyway. (And Palin can only do Yorkshire.)

The book goes to great lengths to describe the process for making paper. (It’s one of the authors hobbies) so it’s a realistic depiction of two different niche things.

We all like Arthur Miller and the Salem Witch Trials, but two weeks seems a bit much.

Do we have to rewatch ‘Moon’ and see the added footage first?

Go buy an 1/8 off him and chill the fuck out maybe?

I find that hard to swallow.

The lion of Gripsholm Castle proves that they did.

I thought it was the touching that had got Andrew into hot water.

The English lasagna!

Bob the Builder was a wrong un then?

You can hire people to read mumsnet for you?

Did they finally have a little fishy on a little dishy?

If only she had lived a little bit longer she could have paid off even more of her sons victims.

There was the deep sea submarine a couple of years or so ago. That had a lovely whiff of schadenfreude.

Cups? We had to make do with baked bean tins we found in the bin.

Rule 57 of the Highway Code now makes this an offence.

Ban school WhatsApp groups and go back to the tried and tested phone tree.

I heard that all the plumbers were moving into politics these days anyway.

Britain’s best lies are in the days ahead.

Back when I was a PE teacher I got stopped on the way out of Safeway as they said a member of staff had seen me stealing things. The member of staff was one of our VI formers thinking it would be funny to embarrass me. Guess who got dropped from the rugby team the next week?

All those years I’ve wasted working hard and being good at my job in an attempt to progress my career. I should have just been out kiddie fiddling instead and I would have been promoted in no time.

I trimmed a hedge yesterday and the vibrations from the hedge trimmer have pulled a muscle in my arm. Was trying to knead dough for pizza this morning and it was agony.

I got dragged on stage to sing during the audience participation bit once. I was about 4 and burst into tears when Ken Dodd asked me my name. I’m still scared of feather dusters.

What are the lampposts like in Hungary? Are they nice and sturdy?

The world of lentils is so exciting you’ll need to keep an eye on your pulse.

That’s ‘Swiss Toni’ from the fast show isn’t it?

Let’s just make him PM and be done with it. He doesn’t sit in the Lords anymore so we just need to find a by-election for him.

Kid A is still shit.

I bet you googled to check. It’s silly enough to be true.