large orange cat in good health is sleeping soundly with an angelic smile on his cat face

“Jorts is an 18 lb neutered male domestic short hair. Evaluated for extensive evening screaming. In good health; behavioral. Very affectionate. Vet enjoys visiting for fun”

They call it “crankie fest” because puppets are annoying

Just use hot glue you chicken-shit idiots

The only thing cringier than theatre is poetry

“B.I.N.G.O” could be a fun way to spell the name of a farmer’s dog, but it can also refer to a Non-Governmental Organization that supports the international rights of bisexuals. Really makes you think!

DEAD

It’s not procrastinating if you’ve decided not to do something until right before the deadline

Armageddon is terrible, but our only other option was diversity trainings at work.

Ben Platt and Oliver Platt are not related which means they ARE allowed to kiss

Cover to the Better than Ezra single for “Good”

Thirty-one years ago today, the New Orleans-based alternative rock band Better than Ezra released its hit single “Good,” marking the first-ever Good Friday, which has now grown into a major holiday celebrated throughout the world.

Lore is dead, it all starts today

“Lost” control is generous

imagine all the ppl

Maybe the people really are too stupid for democracy

So much of travel is the traveling

Clavicular is what you get when you tell little trans girls that the world hates them and they’d better find a way to be men

I would never go to a No Kinks protest because I support BDSM

Do NOT touch my glazed sour cream donut

☠️☠️☠️

The worst feeling in the WORLD is waiting for someone to finish looking at their phone before you can say the thing you’re trying to say

NYC is hilarious…let’s cram a few more people in here…

Can’t wait for the next generation of evangelical overlords to BLOW UP THE MOON!!

In this house we believe Barron Trump is going to kill himself, Barron Trump is going to crack under the pressure of legacy and kill himself, Barron Trump is a victim of emotional and likely physical abuse, the first time it becomes news that Barron Trump is continuing the cycle he’ll kill himself….

Do lesbians really exist or is that just another liberal plot to commit voter fraud? also wat is this stain on my shirt?

Obsessed with getting a rejection email that also includes a link to donate to the org 😂😂☠️

N of 2 but I’m pretty sure there’s a correlation between sobriety and millennial women whose main hobby is fishing

I know separation of oils is natural but some of these woke peanut-butters are simply too wet

I’m naming my next dog “QR Code”

Dirty-puddle looking snack

This article is code for “we fucked up reporting about this the other day and now we’re giving ourselves plausible deniability”