I wanna grow up to an america where I can fuck my AI wife and raise 2.5 trucks having sex and a chrome picket fence and a big lawn for my roomba.

my penis *is* above average

I have been spurned and wrecked and saddened. There are olnly like 5 posters and I'm 5th ranked. :(

I am popular in academia because people keep doing studies on what is wrong with me.

I don't care if it's not true, if I think it could be true then it probably is because not only am I smart, I am cool.

that's the secret francis. You've always had the power.

It was a different one, and it was "Who hurt bro"

easily

As this joyous 4 dash 20 comes to a close. I must make a sorry confession. I did not smonk even the teensiest of joints today. I can only apologize. In the future I will try to do better, but actions speak louder than words. If there is anything I can do to make anyone whole, contact me.

Did anyone order "Normal" onion soup?

- some french guy

I know I shouldn't pick my teeth with your needle dick but I always feel so fresh after

TheCyberSmith tweeting out: "Human Pet Guy" All my wisdom, all of my intelligence, all of my genius insight is forgotten. You do not consider the hours I spent debunking veganism on Tumblr. You do not consider the fiction I wrote for Deviantart. You do not consider the essays I submitted to Reddit.

this is the funniest shit i've seen all year ngl

consider it done. Because it is done. Sorry. no considering necessary.

I understand

Tim robinson

The yellow power ranger and only the yellow one.

The kid from sixth sense

Go to a mall and take a picture of someone and use that

geeze

viral dubai chocolate OUT

NOW it is fungal dubai chocolate!!!!!

sure. If you can do it to "La Cucaracha" you get a prize

the piedmont region of north carolina

I am deeply saddened, and to be bereft of alka seltzer is to be bereft of meaning. I might have to go to the country to collect myself.

I did and they took away my two liter alka seltzer :(

I was born this way. Weed would make me too strong

Social deduction game where you have the joint and everyone else is like "yo wheres the weed lmao haha" and if you let them know they're going to smoke it all but you still have to smoke the weed.

Sorry I just burrped really loud and now people are looking at me I need to log off.

you sold? You're chopped? you're washed? you're taking L's left and right? That's crazy.

well maybe you'll be the first "it" to get "it" and by "it" I mean my joke ? I dk

I have been told that my energy makes people feel disoriented

now I have zero weed :(((

we only have .708 weed :(

writing this down in my notebook and then having a girl read it aloud to me to remember because I forgot