"I was in a movie where I smoked fake pot with Peter Frampton. It's kinda like smoking real pot with a guy who looks like Peter Frampton. I've done that way more." -Mitch Hedberg

OSHA states a "Competent Person" must be present to identify potential hazards when digging a hole.

Our president seems to be digging quite the hole (so courageously. A really great beautiful hole. Some people say it's the biggest hole, in some cases.)

Who is our "Competent Person"?

We aren't great yet because he isn't posting enough. Increase posting by 1300%! (in some cases.)

And don't forget the beginning of Return Of The Jedi. Leia disguises herself as a bounty hunter, then waits for everyone to take a nap at the same time.

But they have cool hats. With the exception of the vikings and Browns, they are 1 of 3 whose logo does not exactly match their helmet. Cool statistic, yeah?
...
Alright, never mind. All three of them suck.

Weiner Schnitzel Tacos

Homemade:
-Tortillas
-Cheese
-Rye bread (crumbs for breading and in tortillas)
-Mustard (honey mustard roasted poblano/serrano salsa)

Featuring:
-Tenderized pork loin
-Braised red cabbage (ACV, cinnamon, clove, mustard seed)
-Roasted tomato
-Pickled red onion
-Scallion

Hard proof.

God bless you, sir.

Mushroom Kingdom passes a first of its kind bill to invest 1.7B Coins in Electric Kart infrastructure to bring low-carbon emission power from Rainbow Road to DK Jungle.

"The thing is that women don't know how to live and act! I'm just trying to help them but they're all radical left lunatics and hypothetically they have blue hair!"

I had never heard of this until last Halloween. It played after "The People Under The Stairs" on one of the free apps. Two absolute gems back to back and I never even heard of either.

The first time I shot Nazis. Magical.

Serious question:

What safeguards can we start preparing now to ensure Trump doesn't fuck with midterms? We know he's going to create some fake crisis and flood the zone with executive orders to make obstacles and challenge legitimacy.

Taking all suggestions.

Politicians, please chime in.

Dear Mother and Father,

I hope this letter finds you well in these troubling times. I tried some fried rice from a black owned spot. I actually tore up my first letter. I decided that this fried rice IS worthy of the postage to let you know of it's greatness via handwritten missive.

K cya.

I know Eric Schmitt. He can't parallel park.

"...and nobody challenges her, because she is so boring."

I knew Idiocracy was an inevitability. I just didn't think it would be this fast. I thought we had more time.

Europe? Are you there? Say something if your aren't "gone".

"Lane Meyer. The once great champ, now a study in 'mopishness'."

This is Bubs. He's no longer with us. He loved wearing shirts.

Rated R for Use of Marijuana

"Blame Biden" is really all they ever had.

I looked up the lyrics. It felt like if it were read in English out loud, it would prompt an answer on a game show like, "Things a Mongolian warrior would say."

I always double wash my lettuce because of the demons.

I'll never subscribe to Netflix again after what they did to Inside Job.

I had to look for so long to determine it's two pizzas and not one pizza next to a mirror.

Today we learned RFK Jr pronounces it "Ek-specially".

Norway