Borderlands 4 is out soon, if you too want to experience the joy of shooting a fascist 🤠

*slapping knees + getting up from couch*
Welp… guess it’s about time to get the ol’ pussy poppin

the microscopic butt plugs go in so much easier (10,000 and counting)

is it still “bigamy” if the second marriage is with a sausage roll? Asking for a friend (no I’m not)

Hey, get some stupid tattoos! I have so many bad tattoos, and I love my special wonky babies

did a poop so thick that it won’t go down the pipes, sorry folks I’m taken 💍

she Walt on my Goggins til I Goggle Glasses

Severance, but willingly choosing to be the Innie

Just ate one of those weird American bagged pickles. Verdict: wow, that was a very efficient way to consume an entire cup of salt! My stomach sounds like a pod of whales fighting each other

“Working from home isn’t REALLY working”
Oh really? Then please explain why it still fuckin’ sucks and I hate it

A decorative illustration of flowers with the caption “I don’t use ai I’m not a fucking loser” with a severed hand with too many fingers

I drew this on my lunch break your excuses are fucking pathetic

It might just be me, but does anyone else find this Liberace guy a little… zesty? I kind of have a sixth sense for these things…

Thank God for the flared bases on traffic cones - nearly lost it up there for a second 😮‍💨

YouTube recommendations be like:
I crammed my RECTUM full of BOBA to PRANK my PROCTOLOGIST (3.2m views)

“Ripping gas”, “blasting ass” - whatever way you slice it, my Suzuki Ignis is absolutely stuffed full of 2025’s raunchiest toots

when I die, please load me into a trebuchet, and toss me onto the court at Wimbledon

American society be like:

anatomy fact: bones are basically just hard balloons full of milk

A lemon is just a very sick orange - please don’t spread misinformation by claiming they are “different fruits”

this is a direct quote from Moses

just something I overheard, though - didn’t make it into the final book 🤷‍♂️

Damn dude, that’s crazy!
…anyway, I crammed a whole Labubu into my urethra using a chopstick

they should make a prequel tbh, I would be watching day 1 guaranteed 🤟

shelbon from Big Bag Tneory be all like:
“baninga”

*Borat voice* MY WIIIFE
left me and took the kids, she says she “needs some time”, but I know what’s coming next

respectfully, and with the utmost regard for your own feelings on the matter:
ur mom

I can deliver much worse work - really mess those characters right up

*Pictures of a happy neighborhood, where everyone is fed + clothed + sheltered*
This is the “future” liberals want 😭🇺🇸🥩

“Bunsen & Beaker”… isn’t that the mustache singer, who does all those backflips?

fellas, is it gay to experience emotions?
(p.s. I’m also attracted to men, if that changes anything)

brb, shaving the ridges off my brain to make it smoother + more aerodynamic