im trusting less and less

who is worth being friends with at the end of the day if they’ll all just leave again

just as shallow as the rest of them

talking about some i cant keep you close as i did for my own sanity fuck off dude

son of a bitch really thinks he’s in the place to make demands when he’s the one who let the friendship fail

when he’s the one who actively pushed me away

when he’s the one that begged for my forgiveness

1/2

and dont ridicule me for wishing death upon somebody because frankly i couldnt give less of a shit

so im just gonna fucking bottle it up and inevitably im gonna get blamed for crashing out when the going gets tough

so yeah fuck you

fuck you

i dont know who im saying it to but i just need to say it

fuck you and i hope you overdose or smthn and it takes you out

i wish one of these days a heart attack just takes me out and im done with life on this stupid rotten fucking planet

so its not even worth it telling anybody anymore really

i have stopped taking enjoyment from things i used to do with this person

i cant even talk to astro about it bc shes friends with said person and i hate that she is but i cant do anything about it

nor can she even get what im talking about or agree with me BECAUSE shes friends with this person

yo who saved this

wrong account

this is fire

i feel like the smartest person in the room against my will sometimes

and its always frustrating

this isnt targeted its just something i experience

cant even complain on here cuz its gonna get me an indignant dm so screw it fucking hell

also yes i can say it im brown if it makes you unfollow my main or smthn idrc

its a word i can say fuck off if it angers you

unfiltered language be warned

this nigga blocked me on here istg im going to crash out

you’re too generous i dont deserve it after how i’ve been acting

i need them all to leave

they’ve seen im a bad person but they just stick to me

i need them to leave so they dont get hurt anymore

im going to delete this account
voicing my thoughts doesnt do anything other than hurt people
because im a bad person and i need to disappear

now it looks like im trying to build a narrative

this is why i dont share things online much

change how they view me in a bad way i mean

i’d rather be a bother than have somebody see me as a creep

just better that way

and then they get tired of me and they leave like everybody seems privy to doing

and its back to ground zero for ol aubree

i dont tell people things because its my feelings and its stupid and it makes me look like a creep

i’d rather be chided for never changing and having an ego than actually waste time changing how they view me

i am so curious

how one person

can learn a concept like being plural and being a system

and then not pick up that they might be in proximity with one

seems more interested in other people so i might just call off the arrangement entirely atp

mm

ok ig just being interested in the setting or what i make isnt enough for some people to put effort into making characters

fuck me i guess

goodnight

i hate being possessive

in an arrangement thats open

it feels like somebody else touching my things and its terrible but like

rghrrbhffbfhfhrh i cant say anything

removing the rules because im realizing how terrible thats gonna be for my mental health

so im conflicted

but at the same time shes my friend

so it feels like im obligated to do so

but its a waste of time to invite people who arent interested in the actual concept and aesthetic

and only go for making references

cuz they dont care about the source material they just want to make their blorbos