I think the guy who came up with the idea was just like “is the problem of having to get a terrier out of the walls really any worse than the problem of not knowing where this water is coming from” lol

Maintenance has also considered strapping a GoPro to Coleslaw and letting her loose inside the walls, and the only reason that is not a more serious consideration is that we all know it would be impossible to coax her back out.

crying in *spins wheel* a record store

crying in sweaters

Current guess for where the water coming from is the main drain, which is a super easy thing to check, EXCEPT the drain checking/fixing machine is currently broken. So.

Good news, maintenance is NOT mad at and/or ignoring me.

Bad news, they still have no clue where the water’s coming from.

Back on my bullshit (sending Caitlin thirst texts about one of her friends that I have never met)

Maybe I missed my calling as a wedding planner

Oh I had another idea for your wedding: Jotaro doll bouquets

Caitlin: What is the generation of serial killers gonna do about creepy phone calls? Like millennials don't answer the phone? How are they gonna gargle menacingly in the phone? Me: Bestie they're sending voice notes Me: (12-second voice note of me gargling menacingly) (Caitlin reacted 😂) Me: The source location metadata is coming from inside the house (Caitlin reacted 😂)

Great news, Caitlin’s finally back from sword camp

bc your job cut your hours and you lost your insurance

just two bros being dudes

Does someone else in this complex have a sexier, more urgent maintenance request

Maintenance hasn’t shown up yet today, have they given up on me

Flashback to my high school friend’s car that was named Legs

(It previously belonged to his dad, who was a prosthetist, and had the vanity plate LEGS1)

I have a photograph that was scanned in two parts (top and bottom) so now I’m adding ALT text to a file that just says “[Name]’s legs.”

You: Dilophosaurus

Me, an intellectual: DILFosaurus

Massage isn’t enough, I need a circus strongman to beat me with a meat tenderizer.

Self-insert fic is cool except for mine, which is embarrassing

When I was 12 I outlined a self-insert LOTR fic where I was hot and cool and good at fighting, except my middle school bullies stole and destroyed my fic notebook.

So…I’d probably finally write that lol

A person in a blue shirt holding their stomach and bending over. Text reads: I’m gonna fucking die disease Symptoms: *Tummy hurts a bit too much for a bit too long

This year the pair of gay ducks at the ornamental pond has turned into four gay ducks at the ornamental pond and I do not know if they are two gay duck couples that are friends or if they are a gay duck polycule

2 fish 2 furious

today in “kat and vi have wildly different definitions of ‘a little light breathplay’”

Do I even have a personality that’s not “flooded apartment” anymore

Love to spend my Sunday running around making sure my enclosure has enough enrichment* to handle another week of maintenance looking confused at the inside of my walls

*seven packets of crisps

sure love to hold my girl’s head under the water in the tub when she’s a little too stressed out

does this count as a teaser for the inevitable essay series

I scheduled tomorrow’s massage two weeks ago to hopefully max out the effects of my latest TPI, but given *gestures at underwater portions of my kitchen* I think I’m gonna have to be happy with just releasing whatever extra tension my guy can squeeze out of me.

“Kat isn’t it after noon” what is after noon on a Sunday if not morning, spiritually