not saying its GOOD to hear this lol but it is very kind of you to lmk ur going thru a similar struggle... we're out here lol. i regret not just. completely letting my work ethic go and milking the company until they finally fired me lmaooo. unfortunately i just cant seem to operate that way!
maybe im wrong and a stupid dumbass idiot for not just "setting a boundary" in which i completely ignore the situation and just let it happen. its like a fucking ticking bomb and i even have an exact date it will e7xplode its awesome
a blank stare and suggested "setting stronger boundaries" when i talk about this type of shit. because i guess they would rather not hear about it either lol. yeah everyone lets just fuck off and ignore family issues because its uncomfortable and just let them fester elsewhere. again maybe im wrong
the worst part is that it doesnt materially affect my life right now. its all just noises on a phone 2000 miles away rn. maybe thats why certain people think i shouldnt give a fuck. but sorry im really not content to ignore it. even though i should and every therapist ever has just given me
i know its almost worse to make an annoying vent post where i redact the good stuff than to just full on traumadump but for once this is something currently happening that i feel so insanely sick and umcomfortable talking about that i just need to keep it close to my chest until it explodes i guess
and just see what happens and then whatever happens i should just simply not be upset even if what i was saying is going to happen happens. because it will!!!!!!!! but i should stfu and simply stop caring so much and let it happen. let it be. imagine theres no [redacted) its easy if you try
world just sucks and i should just shut up and stop being so easy to upset! if i simply shut the fuck up and stop being upset, there are no problems! i should just mind my own business and not feel protective over [redacted redacted redacted] and just let things happen and just
even on the microscopic level of. me being able to see with my own eyes that a really terrible and harmful situation is unfolding. maybe im actually just stupid for thinking there could or should be a solution. and naive for believing that its terrible in the first place. and maybe the whole
sorry but its time for another really quick vague vent where i pity myself but. hey. maybe i am the naive one actually. maybe i am wrong and [redacted] is completely fine actually because nothing matters and harm reduction doesnt matter and the world just sucks and we should just let it keep sucking
FUCK!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO FUCKING SICK OF RUINING MY OWN LIFE WHILE IM ACTIVELY TRYING TO FIX IT!!!! I FOCUS ON ONE THING AND EVERYTHING ELSE FUCKING FALLS APART°°°°°!!!!!!!!!!!
idk what im gonna do lol im such a fucking idiot
how to blow up your entire life and cause nothing but strife in one easy step
i actually think quitting my job is the worst mistake ive ever made im my life i feel so fucking dumb
and if only i would just do things right, i could be like them too. well im fucking tired and i have tried to do things right and it feels like im fucking drowning and everyone around me is just swimming and looking at me with secondhand embarrassment like "why doesnt he just swim"
at least if im inherently defective, theres something sort of romantic and dramatic about that. because the alternative is that everyone is just like me but they are just better at everything. they are just better at being a person. they do things right and i do things wrong.
ive been trying to sweep my shit up n every year it feels like i just get worse at it. it doesnt help. doing it the way they tell you to do it doesnt help. its pretty hard to not feel like its because something about me is inherently defective
i see artists fulfilling their passions and getting opportunities, see people who are able to just get up and be normal every day. and im so fucking jealous. but theres no help for people who cant. if you cant youre just fucked and thats it. there's no option to lay at the foot of the bed.
if tumblr just allowed porn again it fully sweep every other social media by a long shot
and a discount$$$ if you want me to draw cyberpunk shit since thats the bullshit im on rn
been doing some comic page commissions too that are fun so between 140-200 for pretty much any comic page imaginable (typically 1/2 larger drawings and 1 or 2 small close-up panels)
good morning blueskyers, im open for a few commissions while im currently unemployed and figuring out wtf to do with my life so if anyone wants some art come get me!! ill work with whatever budget you're feeling but general range is 70-110 for 1 character, fully rendered, or 100-130 for 2 characters
old fat johnny yoinkin it
Ramattra doodle I drew high as fuck
i just want to marry him
old fat johnny yoinkin it
kerry bouncing on it. and by it i mean old fat johnny silverhand
meant to post this here
young johnny kerry cyberpunk having horny sex
the
u are funny as hell btw i love you. im already working "peanits exploded" into my everyday lexicon bc of your tags
c...cockwarming 👍