Border patrol wants to hire me apparently

Idk I think that was an appropriate response

Red Delicious Apples has to include the word "delicious" in their apple name because they're so shitty.

Watching it and hoping Homelander comes in and just d3c@p!tAtes them all with his laser eyes.

Been in bed with a sickness of the guts. Nothing really bad like Norovirus or anything, but probably a flare of a chronic condition. FINALLY showered and am on the sofa. Watching cooking shows and wishing I could eat. Am I torturing myself??? lol

I'm here from Makeup but make it Goth. *waves*

I'm glad! And, unfortunately, I've got a fever of 103! : (

Just kidding!! LMAO LOL LMAO LOL

A very happy birthday to @mitdasein.bsky.social !!!
Hope it's great, friend!!

Makes me proud every time!

Did you know we’re shipping whistles anywhere in the US? Email whistlerequests [at] proton [dot] me for your free 3D printed whistles. We’ve sent over 30,000 so far in December!

Rockets owners expand talks to buy, move Sun

Terrifying headline if you don’t realize they are sports teams.

The best thing about any show being set in a city you know is sneering "NO!" as derisively as possible at the TV.

A magazine at the vet's office had an article about reducing your cat's carbon paw-print.

🚨 NEWS: Ranking Members @raskin.house.gov and @robertgarcia.house.gov released a joint statement after Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche confirmed that the Department of Justice will not be releasing the full Epstein files today.

Not at all. It's a great name. And embarrassment is for other people who are not as old as me.

I live in Louisville, KY now, and there is this GIANT Ruth's Chris Steak House near where we live. Like, one of the tallest buildings around, covered in lights. A beacon to us in these troubled times. And who is Ruth and why did she choose this horrible name?

Dexy’s Chris Midnight Runners

I'm glad you will have a nice chimkin!

first fascism, now I drip condensation from my iced coffee on my shirt. what else can go wrong today?

I was doing two things at once, one of them asking G to feed Bucky, only it came out "Would you pay him?" instead of "feed."

The wages of dog are food.

My boyfriend says he can pinpoint when we entered this alternate timeline/dimension, and it's when Johnny Cash covered "Hurt" when he should have covered "Closer."

Making fun of Jeff Bezos' wife's body is body shaming. Whether she's had extensive plastic surgery or not, it's body shaming. WHY go for the lowest hanging fruit and harm other people who've had cosmetic surgery in the process? Like trans people. WTF is wrong with you?

The sleep of reason breeds monsters.
-Goya

We just played "strip" Trivial Pursuit, I finally won, and it was absolutely the worst. Took for fucking ever and now we're just two tired old people who don't wanna look at each other lol

I just bought an absurd amount of olive oil in order to get free shipping

Do you think that, if a male doctor became President of the US, he would make people call him Dr. President instead of Mr. President?

Mr. President?
Um, actually it's Dr.

"Hear me now," snarled the barbarian, tossing the naked blade down upon his desk. "Any dog who tries to catch me with one of those 'Fool of April' jokes shall find themselves laughing down in Xandru's Hells." He swept the room with an azure gaze that held neither pity nor passion.

My protest signs all say, "stop making the Fantastic Four into a movie"

He would let you pet and would jump up on you!

I still sing it about our dog Bucky! And everything, really!! <3