This just in: Donald Trump proud to win the 2026 Lamar Hunt Trophy.

RSVPing to Christmas as “I don’t wanna.” 🙃

For Your Consideration: Krampus Lindholm. He only appears during the holidays, and instead of the penalty box, he just stuffs players in a sack and beats them with a stick.

He’s turning into a Team America: World Police version of himself.

New Business Idea: a seasonal/themed strip club called Santa’s Twerkshop.

I’m too old for hot nudes. I’ve got lukewarm nudes at best. Like just whipping a tit out while I’m eating pasta and seeing what happens. 🤷🏻‍♀️

This Just In: Hand soap could cause sepsis!

We are in the darkest timeline.

I think it’s funny that Domino’s feels the need to remind me that I have points expiring in January. Srsly, look at my order history. If I haven’t used them by then, worry less about my points and more about filing a missing person report.

FL Republicans: “Who are we to tell you what to put in your body?”

Also FL Republicans: “We’re here to tell you what you can’t take out of your body (if you’re a pregnant woman)!”

For as much as millennials love saying that shit lives rent-free in our heads…wouldn’t rent-free be the fucking dream???

Of COURSE Jesus is holier than thou! What do you think they crucified him with, fuckin’ magnets?

Just a chaotic good girl living in a lawful evil world…

The biggest difference between Brick Tamland and DJT is that Brick gracefully accepted a declined invite to his pants party.

Next up, Alligator Arkham.

Have there been any studies on a correlation between penis size and pedophilia? I am 100% asking for Donald Trump, because he absolutely seems like the type to justify his disgusting behavior by loving that his half-eaten-Cheeto sized peen looks bigger in hands that are even smaller than his. 🙃

I’m pretty sure Tucker Carlson being the voice of reason is one of the horsemen of the apocalypse.

That parade should have been an email. 🙃

Sooo, who wants to tell Vance what Les Mis is actually about? 🙃

While it is somewhat heartening to see our judicial system stepping up to tell Agolf Shitler that he can’t keep sending us further down the path of facism and Idiocracy, at what point do we actually fucking stop him???

NGL, if I was on the Starliner crew, I probably would have told Muskrat “no thanks, I’ll wait for NASA”.

New Business Idea: deep-dish communion wafers.

At Centreville Bank Stadium like: Sharia law here, hoo hah, fuck the PD, fuck the PD!

This Just In: Pawtucket PD supports RIFC by kicking out disabled @nerevolution.bsky.social fan, details at 11. Or not, because they won’t tell us shit. 🙃

Enough with the Met Gala twinning BS. The one key difference: Zendaya wore the fuck out of her suit. Anna Sarai’s suit wore her.

Hot Take: Italy should deny Trump entry for the Pope’s funeral.

Penne bolognese from L’Amante in Burlington, VT.

“Vladimir, STOP!” about to become the foreign policy equivalent of “Piper, nooooo!” 🙄

Hear Me Out: Ralph Fiennes crossover where Conclave ends like The Menu. Where there’s smoke… 🤷🏻‍♀️

Friendly reminder to join us this Saturday for the 2025 Chili Cookoff in the lot! In the meantime, check out some photos from last year.

Members can sign up to participate here. ➡️ bit.ly/chili2025
Learn more about the charity, Vermont Foodbank, and their important work. ➡️ bit.ly/4lylKRt

“There’s A Hole In My Bucket”, 2025 edition:

There’s a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza

Well, Henry, you should have considered whether you have the skills and resources to maintain the bucket before you bought it, especially in this economy. What do you want me to do about it?