I know! The second I got up to go to the bathroom!

The race is making me 😴

Ha ha, I was just thinking the same thing

Love Kimi!

I’m so sorry, but my allegiance is highly snack-dependent 😂

Shhh, she’ll hear us and we won’t get any mint chip!

Wait, am I the one saying ice cream? I feel like that’s me and @blairloudly.bsky.social

Best I can do is hand sanitizer and a bagel. You still in?

Try blowing in your ear like it’s a Nintendo cartridge

He’s right, I’m really not qualified to give legal advice

Ha ha ha, this is true. 4th birthday party? You bet. What did I have for dinner last night? Good question

There is something very attractive and sexy about a woman who appreciates donuts.

Social media has taught me, that if you have nothing important to say, you should say it on social media.

if you don’t mess up is it still an errand

If only everything in life were as reliable as my Mandalorian PEZ dispenser.

Day 3 of the new year and my plan to stay an undiscovered genius remains on track.

I don't know why, but i really trust Tony Hawk as a spokesperson

I know with the new year a lot of folks are at the gym doing squats. I just want ya’ll to know I’m at home doing my favorite kind of squat

(diddley)

January is the Monday of the year.

The gear shift got stuck on my Delorean again, and I ended up in 2005 again

So, post weirder on the platforms I’m already on, you say 🤔

I remember 2025 like it was just a few days ago

we held our collective breath for mere seconds before the fuckery continued unabated

A sloth drinking decaf has more motivation than some of us today.

Guys I'm twitterpated

No motivational speeches today. Let's get through this.

Retirement rehearsal is over.