Poster for Martha September gigs. Image of Naomi with party hat, sunglasses, and a sash that says ‘and you thought 2016 was awful’. She is surrounded by party detritus. Dates: 9/9 Mash House, Edinburgh (plus the Just Joans) 10/9 Clwb Ifor Bach, Cardiff (plus Oh Peas!) 11/9 Scala, London (plus Trust Fund) 12/9 Future Yard, Birkenhead (plus Good Grief) 13/9 Trades Club, Hebden Bridge (plus Milky Wimpshake)

“I never heard a more romantic story…”
🍦☀️
This September we (the band called Martha) will be doing a handful of shows to mark ten years since ‘Blisters in the Pit of my Heart’ came out. Poster designed by Soph Mackenzie. Tickets on sale NOW: www.martha-punx.com

I'm convinced AI is our generation's radium - a discovery with genuinely useful applications in specific, controlled circumstances that we stupidly put in everything from kid's toys to toothpaste until we realised the harm far too late where future generations will ask if we were out of our minds.

I accidentally booked a Punch / Comadre show for the 2010 final. I rescheduled it for a matinee and they weren’t very happy about it. Anyway fast forward to 11pm that night and I find Comadre dancing on the table of a tapas restaurant celebrating with the staff there; it all worked out.

Wow that’s bonkers. Borderline impossible to PB that I reckon. You should chalk it up as a win that you even got that close.

Humbling. The first 250m are always such a lottery as well. If you get caught in and around people it can be difficult to make back that time.

Couldn’t believe how positive the reaction was after a “spirited” final 15 minutes after the Liverpool loss. It’s like everybody forgot how shit we were during the first 75 minutes lol. Felt the same to me last night.

Have they binned off the ban on betting companies being able to advertise “whistle to whistle”? That was always the guidance right?

Just successfully turned off motion blur on my parents’ tv without any protest. AMA.

Unfortunately I have lost the battle against the Christmas Music On In The Office ultras.

Hello darkness my old friend

Quality

VAN DE VEN YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN

Good day to be a Tottenham fan. Bad day to be a guy who took Van De Ven out of his fantasy football team.

Geezer sat behind me on this train just ate a kebab that smelled so good it’s making me question an entire adult life of veganism.

Every team on Only Connect is made up of the same three people: The Captain, the actual Smart One, and then the only person that those two know who can drive.

Easy.

Don’t remember Tottenham ever scoring a goal like that. We’ve defo conceded a lot of them though lol.

JOHNSON AGAIN OLE OLE

Saw a geezer today stood outside Tesco by himself using his meta ray bans to take a phone call and honestly man it’s all gone too far.

This is an absolutely unbelievable goal mate

Huge fan of the referee wearing a “WOULD YOU LIKE TO DRIVE THIS BUS”-style advert on the back of his shirt.

Donnarumma saves that btw lol.

CAPTAIN MY CAPTAIN

Just got hit with a “and which band are you here to see?” at the door of a punk show in the year 2025.

GET INNN N. N N BB BB

NEVER IN DOUBT

Not fuckin TBD anymore is it Google. Update you coward.

CONE OBNLDMDKDMDKDND RRN

That’s a pen for me. They’re not usually given. But it’s a pen.

Fuck me that would’ve been unbelievable