i'm back 😋 47.0 kg and bmi of 15.5!!

i ate A LOT today, but i just hit 30k steps so it's probably fine idc

AAAH i miss starving. kinda wish i was fat, so i could restrict heavily without worrying my family

ngl, sometimes i miss being at bmi 13, it felt like i achieved something exceptional. it's quite nice to have a semi-working brain though

I just weighed myself, and at the end of the day (I ate a lot, and I'm considerably drunk rn, so it's not fully accurate) I'm on the border between bmi 15 and 16. I think I'd like to get to bmi 15.5, which would mean losing 1.5kg, probably less if I'm on an empty stomach :) It feels safe

WHAT IF i went on a diet to lose like 2 kg and nothing more

i should probably stop drinking, i always end up considering relapsing 💀

AAH but what if. what if i'm considered fat by ed standards, and i have reverse body dysmorphia 🥲

sometimes i look at my old b0dychecks, and i find my old body to be too thin, so there's at least that ig

i'm really confused, i don't want my body to be perceived as healthy (i think??). is bmi 15/16 considered slim, but still normal by societal standards?

recently i've found myself wondering if people still see my body as too thin. i mean, i did gain a bunch since i was forced into recovery (like 8kg?), and i got my period back, but my chest bones are still clearly visible? idk how to feel about it all

thank you!! 🤍🤍🩷

i hope that each of you will find the motivation to fight for yourself and your life, even if it sounds terrifying. i love you all, stay safe 🤍

hello!! quick update – recovery is going amazing :3 i am maintaining 45kg while eating 1600+ kcal everyday. turns out that i love cooking (it's my new favourite hobby), and i actually enjoy my life for the first time in a long time :3 it was hard at first but it gets better with time :)

slightly positive update: i dyed my hair black, and i'm hot once again:3

i'm so terribly afraid of gaining weight, but at the same time i'm so angry at my brain for failing me. i used to be so smart, so creative, and now i'm just an empty, pretty shell of a person. it's so sad

forced recovery is NOT going well, i'm still purging and currently drunk

i ate pizza and im genuinely tweaking out i want to purge it out so badly AAAHAG

what partially motivated me is the fact that i can't walk up the stairs without feeling like i might die 💀

i don't feel THAT bad about it, but i was contemplating eating for five hours, and i decided to fuck it. i'm not getting send to a hospital

i ate a normal lunch without restricting and counting calories 💪🏻 AND i had two big pieces of cake that i made AND i'm not purging it out :3 my plan is to gain around 5 kg? we'll see

41.5 on the scale :) maybe,,, maybe i can hit 39 before i go on recovery😭

at least i hit bmi 13 before i was forced to recover 💔 you'll be missed (i'll be back at this weight in the summer idc)

don't lie to me rn, i saw the pics you posted yesterday 😭 your body is STUNNING‼️‼️

174cm/5'8

skinny era is over <//3

she said that if the psychiatrist agrees i will be put on a one-two month long trial, and if i don't get better my ass is getting sent to the hospital 💀

IM AT RISK OF HOSPITALIZING LMAO my bmi is too low, and i need a paper from psychiatrist before i can continue therapy kms

i'm in the waiting room with one lady, and she keeps staring at me 💀

i got the apprenticeship :3 and now i'm walking to see the therapist 🫡 pray for my stupid ass