you're telling me this entire Alaska pipeline is trans?

TRY ME

I'M LOADED

look at this slutty little dew

oh you're still figuring out your gender? what are your amateurnouns, then

be the reason your friend quietly mutters "jesus fucking christ" when they open a message from you

I cranked my hog today

to see if it still squealed

if I make one more typo on main I'm going to do a sudoku

one day I will remember not to have coffee within 2 hours of taking my ADHD meds

but it is not this day

she dune on my duncan 'til I da ho

yesterday, I discovered the cure to imposter syndrome - a dozen older folks saying nice things to you

not now kitten, daddy is writing a 1,000 word response to someone on Facebook about capitalism

I'm a prison abolitionist but I do think every city should have one small prison which is just for people who don't use headphones on public transportation

a man with long hair and a beard has a gifsec.com watermark on the bottom of the image ALT: a man with long hair and a beard has a gifsec.com watermark on the bottom of the image

waking up this morning like

this seems like a good time to remind you that Slay the Spire 2 is in early access as of today

I've been to hundreds of metal concerts and I can count on one hand the number of times someone didn't unleash a chemical weapon from their ass that permeates the entire venue

as a straight man, the highest compliment I can receive is a lesbian stranger vocally approving my fit with no prompting

and then for her to offer to buy my drink?

my ego may never recover

do not honk

do not honk

damn, good for him

broke: gay agenda

woke: man date mandate

it's exhausting having to constantly remind my coworkers that I was hired to make jokes and bring good vibes, not "respond to their emails" or "review my performance improvement plan"

I just got stopped on the street by a woman who was so enamored with my outfit that she asked to take a picture to help her boyfriend dress better for Valentine's Day

I will be insufferably pleased with myself about this interaction for at least the next week, maybe forever

me eating one vegetable today after having nothing but fried food, pizza, and alcohol for four days straight

you're telling me this mission is trans? well sign me the fuck up

I will only be impotently whinging on trains but thank you

I'm admittedly only at a sample size of two but I need my content on TikTok to stop doing well so that I can justify not using TikTok, I just want to post 800 word think pieces but APPARENTLY no one wants to read my treatise on campaign finance reform

oh you practice self care? name three ways you love yourself

if canada dry is so good then where's the america wet

I have a new haircut for the first time in 15 years and I genuinely feel like an entirely new person, it rocks

she sporting on my goods 'til I dick