Very friendly very very skinny black and tan dog

So uhh.

She followed me home.

you know what would be funny? if a weather person named mary said to “expect hail” & then the anchorman could wittily reply “hail, mary?” & then the other anchorman could look @ the camera & say “that’s what she said” & then i would say to myself “send post” & then

🥹 you’re too prrfect bestie 🫶

don’t invite me to your party unless you have a mystery for me to solve

you know the first fucker to eat a BLT was like 𝑤𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑔𝑜𝑑𝑑𝑎𝑚𝑛

post the best picture you have ever taken of your pet (if you feel like it):

my babie gorl, frankie. framke. frankensteins monster. frankie doodle dandy.

(inexplicable star wars segue) want to get lost in your Bothan corps

There’s little that can reduce you to tears quite so exquisitely as the right piece of music at just the right time.

That said, a well timed football to the testicles does come close though.

can someone bring me food i have a cat on me

A grey blue washed image of a bearded young ish white guy looking into the mirror all serious with his palm pressed against it. A serif font title reads: DID I JUST ARGUE WITH A JOKE? A semi opaque navy snoot near the bottom bears the bluesky logo and the text PART OF A BLUESKY EDUCATIONAL SERIES

not a prrfect joke but good enough

See you at the feeding trough

*opens social media

can't, I'm letting the dogs out

this is just a @bornmiserable.bsky.social appreciation post. He's funny, artistically talented and also, simply, kind. He's helped me at times I've been down and I know that I'm one of many people he's helped, in any number of ways. so just want to say: thank you ❤️

agree prrrty cute

yeah i knew i had to do something with it when i saw it

As I do every year on 4/20, I will be following the Jeopardy! interview segment tonight by saying “Dream blunt rotation. Now let’s get back into the Jeopardy! round.”

I like when an actor who usually plays Weird Little Freaks gets to play a *different* kind of Weird Little Freak than the type of Weird Little Freak they usually play

it’s fun when multiple cat pfps like the same posts bc my notifications look like one cat saw it and shared it with their cat friends

I want peace but I also want to fuck shit up

prrhaps was a typo earlier and i was like “hey that’s cute” so i worked backwards from the punchline

Flavor Flav is short for Flavorful Riboflavin

Laundry status: seriously considering wearing a prom dress from 1998 to the gas station

There are some ways around not wanting to know something, but like anything with a catch there's a knowing something you didn't even know you didn't want to know so...I tricked you into eating flashcards

I was just using the Waterpik and completely lost control of it. Sprayed all over the walls and ceiling. I get it guys, I really do

might start saying the p in receipt

These boots were made for walking... So I got some boots that were made for hiking instead.

eating dry Cheerios and recalling when my toddlers would drop food on purpose and then smile when I picked it up. jerks!

There was no descent into madness. I did a cannonball.

Any time someone saves my post, I assume it’s a famous comedian bookmarking it to steal later.