Umm, hi, me here. You need to do it and own that shit mmkay? Everyone farts.

You know what is fun and silly? My wife randomly farting. Do I judge that shit? No, I cackle like a teenager. It makes for conversation. Yes, sometimes we talk about farting. 🤣

It is okay to fart. 👌💨

if you didn't see this while the site was goofing, i need you to see it now

JUST a PhD? You poor uneducated pleb. 😉

Also: lol

Meme: Them: Delete the “lol” from the end of your sentences and just say what you need to say - Every millennial: no, lol

My brain is trying to train for my first ever 5K later this year.

My body is absolutely rejecting the thought.

I’ve never ran a 5K, so uh, this will be fun.

September is D day! If I fail spectacularly, may it be a glorious failure! 🤣

❤️❤️❤️❤️

Most here in TN will think to themselves that is just another bonkers year, because we’ve always had wacky weather. Snow one day, spring/summer the next, etc. Meanwhile, the highs get higher, and so on.

For me, I blame the extremely hot temperatures on my wife, always being hot. 😏

🤣

I’ve never see a hearse at a gas station…

❤️❤️❤️

Taco Bell is definitely missing out. They should introduce a taco called TACO Tuesday. Ingredients should be whatever and change Daily. It should smell vaguely like an old man who shat his pants, and opening the packaging should make a voice ramble on and on about how it is a perfect taco. 😉

Also, that was definitely not taken from the Death Star…or was it. 😉

A picture of the far side of the moon looking at earth, similar to a sunset.

That’s no moon.

Oh wait. Yes it is. Nevermind.

As a dead wolverine in a pool, I will let you know once I figure it out. 🙃

MY MOON, DAG NABBIT!!

Get your own moon!

It is really cool to see us finally return to the moon after so long. I hope to witness us actually land in 2 years, if all goes according to plan.

Oh thank god! Finally, a sane one!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH

Where is the other half? 😉

How do you think I get there every morning to eat my breakfast?

Me. Also, my wife.

Also, my kids.

Please send help.

🫠

Styx.

I’m holding a note that says “1. Buy a bucket”

made a bucket list

I wish my wife would do the same. I am a messy eater sometimes.

Mentally where I’m at

Can we talk about the next day? Let’s focus on that. 🤣😉

[first day in improv troupe]
me: guys what if we wrote the jokes ahead of time
lead improv guy: holy shit

Oh, we all know exactly why he was angry. 😏

Alright, everybody, now here we go
It's a brand new version of the do-si-do
Just stomp your feet and clap your hands
C'mon, everybody, it's the Hampsterdance!

🔊🎵 🐹 #OPL3MIDI

Just tossed my hair seductively and a chicken nugget fell out.