My favourite outlook tip is to look for other jobs that use gmail

Being with a bisexual woman is such a compliment, she could've been with twice as many people and still she picked a jackass

Arrived mid-gossip and my buddy said "I'll tell you later"

Likewise, my attorney

instead of seconds, the US will now be using "ice shootings" as a standard unit of time

Shoutout to dwayne johnson for being the rock in my life

Next time you need a new password ask a nerd what laptop to buy and they will say some shit like asus rogx-6987ftv4m

I think your optimism successfully dies by your mid 20s because I haven't been called a sweet summer child by someone older in a while

As a man, sports documentaries on youtube are my lullabies

As a man, sports documentaries on youtube are my lullabies

Watched one battle after another

i'm logging back in after 6 months, does this have groupchats?

People that say "I'll tell you later" and then actually follow through are actually the best

I would follow a stranger into a dark alley if he promised me potato wedges

Cheech us a Chong
you're the piano man

I may not have enough money to doomsday prep, but i sure do have the anxiety for it

I have a deep disdain for men, that’s why i can barely tolerate myself

I’m really like an ancient god demanding a tree sacrifice, every time i go to chatgpt for therapy

All these idiots keep hitting the gym to get big, you’re just making yourself easier to shoot

Always leave them wanting amnesia.

Got a random DM that said “do you need help with something?” yeah if you could live this life for me it would be fantastic actually

Bought a plant call that plant parenthood

the us china tariff war is just two kids playing who can say the bigger number

Love hand written notes, they’re second in my list of best notes. The first being the more privacy focused ransom notes of course.

The worst thing about bad vision is pretending to have tourette’s when i nod at somebody who i thought i knew but didn’t

me at my absolute rock bottom: you should’ve seen the other guy

eat ur friend's toast but ur enemy's toaster