3 in the morning. 1 hour post tattoo appt. Hitting a bong on my balcony while making an excel sheet to help my friend calculate her drug sales

Elf Convention!🧝‍♀️
“Free State Of California” 🌉

My Sexy, Sassy Album
Improvised Stand Up 🎤
Live in SF for
@aspecialthing.bsky.social
lnk.to/freestateofc...

Join me for New Years in San Francisco🌁
With @jackiekashian.bsky.social !!!
Dec 30-7 & 9:15🥂
Dec 31- 7:30 & 10:00🍾
punchlinecomedyclub.com

coworker I don't like came in with a bad haircut and he clearly knows it

*off one lychee martini*
“I sobered up after the 5th Japanese song”

frantically searching through my favorite media for something I haven't already ripped off for my d&d inspo

so conversationally adept the old dudes share their deepest darkest secrets at 10am.

On it boss 🫡

On it boss 🫡

Vote Blue

It’s my Birthday 🎁
You can make my day
Download my New Album Purple Shasta Racoon
Full of Vitriol and Totes Improvised.
lnk.to/shasta

Doxxing myself as a huge fucking nerd

Maybe there is a god

Spanker of the House

Using my advanced animal tracking skills to stalk a wild beast in its natural habitat (an iced coffee and open modelo has appeared on the kitchen table, indicating my roommate has come home from work)

Enjoying a reflective cigarette and beer in the open air after making the most beautiful girl in the world laugh for 2 hours. Life has a purpose after all.

damn can a bitch just drink her choccy milk?

Dracula flowed all over this mf

The orb is ready

This is peak male performance

When you take my car despite a bajillion other cars being parked equally or worse than I, this is who you are taking it from

They got raptured, like somebody else we all know and love

You’re absolutely right everything is about me

Your laughing. My car was the only member of our household to get raptured and your laughing.

The world will look your heartbreak dead in the eyes and use it in their comedy special without crediting you

[redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted]

“Oh my god you turn me on” but as in toaster in bath

I have remembered that I BlueSky. Hello world.

the ragebait fucking works

who up tenderin' they loin rn