TRIP REPORT
wearing the mask from The Mask
00:00 Putting on the mask
00:01 Already hitting. Playing honky tonk piano with 5 arms.
00:12 Bouncing around like flubber
[…]
03:50 Omg finally saw a mirror. Why is my head so big. Kids are yelling "John Fetterman"
03:51 it won't come off it won't come OFF
come on man.
that's alright gay Obama thanks for calling back
heartwarming video of astronaut Christina Koch greeting her dog for the first time after returning from space. the pup can be seen snarling, back arched, before scampering to its word buttons and pressing "IMPOSTOR" repeatedly, then "FALSE. SKIN. FALSE. SKIN." several times
This is my favorite screenshot from the Sakura Wars 2 demo. Sakura: "Not only did you get dressed, but you even brushed your teeth, too! I'm speechless!"
The 30 Rockification of real life is nearing completion
@ItsBCJim The bad part of getting older is that you become an NPC, the good part is that being an NPC rocks. Nothing like walking down the street with a thought bubble that's just a sandwich you're looking forward to. Protagonism is best left to teens and the insane
Paused MAD MEN while Ted Chaough’s partner was in the hospital and the HBO Max interstitial ad made it look like his dying wish was for a Whopper.
tweet from @theseantcollins: JESUS CHRIST (ninth hour): Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? GOOFY (present at the crucifixion): Gawrsh
tweet from @david8hughes: Judas: still on for Friday? Jesus: Friday? Judas: yeah, the last supper Jesus: the what? Judas: supper. Normal supper with the fellas
there are two absolutely canonical Good Friday posts
If you say "my skin is so dry" people might recommend a lotion but if you say "my skin is so wet" no one will help you
getting kick out of the artemis II rocket for continually pressing my ass against the window and asking the captain if he sees the moon yet
Hand written sign at shop reading “WE HAVE” “CHICKEN” “NOODLE” “SOUP”
Gotta say, I’m not so confident that you do
probably when we found out goblins were posting among us the whole time, we just never noticed
Tweet screenshot goblin boy @swinginparteigh Luke sky walker did not wear black velvet and the Chanel boots to the sarlac pit just for JJ Abrams to say that someone else is gonna be the first gay in starwar. Don't worry mr. sky walker. I saw your Chanel boots. 6:43 AM - 12/4/19 • Twitter for iPhone 8,411 Retweets 41.7K Likes
Thinking about this tweet
Coke Zero is probably healthy for you
everybody knows that a night in the fridge helps develop the flavors of a beautiful beef lasagna
春は華やかな気持ちになります。がんぼるぞい。
translation:
Spring makes me feel cheerful.
dr. robby: we have a patient in er room 1. health is at 1%. ideas, people
me: 1 dose of the correct kind of medicine, stat!
dr. mohan: oh my god. patient’s health is now 100%
dr. robby: do you want to ride motorcycles with me
me: no. i have to go home and post on bluesky — the world’s #1 site
*addressing the crew before the big bank heist:* no telling!
my kid came home from kindergarten today and announced she was setting a trap to catch a leprechaun. apparently other kids at school always end up with candy and treats in their annual leprechaun traps, so she’s pretty stoked to see what she gets. I am begging other parents to fucking cool it
I know it's a silly jokey joke, but people REALLY need to stop anthropomorphizing their boyfriends. "My boyfriend told me" your boyfriend didn't "tell" you anything. "My boyfriend thinks..." your boyfriend can't actually think or feel; just output a convincing simulation of it based on probability 🙄
If you find yourself following someone who is called woke ginger or pissed off nurse or whatever, they’re not your ally. Your ally is someone with an obscure Pokémon avatar called like ant piss aficionado
when the vibes are harsh and fucked up/
311 comes to me/
something something amber/
energy
Insane Clown Posse V @icp •• • I Don't care what we've said in our raps, woman come No 1. We all owe our lives to wemon.
Happy International Women’s Day
the survivors who chose to follow me into the wilderness after watching me wordlessly rub two sticks together to start a fire are growing dismayed as it starts to become clear I just love rubbing stuff
