I am so incredibly exhausted emotionally and physically but can't sleep. My eyes hurt from being awake. I keep drifting in and out of being aware of what's going on around me because of my brain being tired and blanking. This is awful.

I can't wait til we're 21 because I want to relearn mixology. I really need a hobby again that is independently my own.

Oh yes there was juice in it, no worries, if he was drinking straight vodka I think I would have killed him.
And true! It most certainly did help.

Hate him so much.

The way he drinks it in my opinion is what makes it worse, drinks a few big gulps at once. Stops. Drinks more big gulps. Stops. Repeat and repeat and repeat. He walked into the damn fridge. 😔

Music helps despite having the bulkiest headphones on since the other wireless one is dead.

At least I managed to curb the nausea, it seems. Being in front of a fan helps, too.

Note to self, don't let yornch drink. He makes the body feel like shit.

To want someone to be better, when they have done something truly wrong, is to be blunt and forward. Coddling them will harm them.

giving them time to get comfortable in a narrative where the people who pushed them away are disgusting, awful, misguided. While the people who stay are loyal, true friends. Allowing them to seep back into that comfort of validation and figuring the problem was nonexistent in the first place.

Wanting to see someone get better requires sacrifice within itself, you need to give them that space to change. Not giving them any sort of pushback allows them to be complicit to their own wrongdoings-

I do not understand the insistence to stand next to someone you know is a genuinely awful person. The idea that someone can get better is not unprofound, but when their behaviors have been so strikingly consistent; how will they get any better with no consequences?