I stg I’m the most unlucky person ever.

But i make up for it by being clever and resourceful.

How tf i locked my keys in the trunk, all the doors were locked, all the windows were closed. But i figured out how to get em out in like 5 minutes.

I’m on a don’t ask don’t tell policy cause women be judging me when i tell em mine.

Mans walkin past me says “i see you got your shorts on. It is pretty nice today huh?”

Bruh i’ve been wearing shorts all winter. Every. Single. Day.

God:

If i ever run for office and win imma swear in on harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban

A lot of y’all can’t move in silence because you live for applause.

NY is where the Big Apple is. Minnesota is where the Mini-apple-is (Minneapolis) 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Let’s goooooo!!!!

Lol them vet visits when you least expect it gon’ have your whole month fucked up.

Legit haven’t even talked to my friends or family in like 3 weeks. I would be mad nobody even checked on me but i got so much shit on my plate rn and I’m tryinna get shit done.

I got 3 months to lock tf in.

48… 😩

You know what….. Nicki Minaj Stan’s ruined Twitter actually.

I don’t even know what that is.

Some random person accidentally zelle’d me 400 dollars.

Whoever you are. I’m sorry but you not getting that back 😭

Good lord

Love this for him fr. Pacers need a back up big

Every time i go MIA is how i know nobody fuck wit me fr. How not 1 person hit me up in 2 weeks?

Ironically if most parents actually helped their kids with their homework, they wouldn’t be so stupid.

Talking about the parents not the kids.

Yea for sure. He’s a man child.

That man tried to get him killed.

Nah me and shawty spent over 5 hours just going round after round. It’s been 2 days and my hamstrings have been on fire.

I don’t think I’m built for this anymore.

Wait… there’s other ways to drink it?

Yessir! BIG black history month! You know the vibes.

These stupid motherfuckers still talkin about drain the swamp. Nigga they ARE the fucking swamp.

It always amuses me whenever a woman is single, her close male friend always becomes the boyfriend substitute until she gets a man.

Mavs take the season series 3-1 vs okc(3-0 when PJ washington plays).

Today was a good day.

Orlando’s offense is dreadful man.

I still think their head is in the right place in terms of roster construction but they need guys who can shoot.

It’s so much tamer here than literally anywhere else.