Milton Keys cat requires emergency surgery after eating 37 hair bobbles. Meanwhile, in the vastness of space, a black hole can consume entire stars without breaking a sweat.

Have you seen missing Leanne from Milton Keynes? Meanwhile, in the vast cosmos, a neutron star somewhere is also lost spinning through space its mass compressed beyond comprehension yet invisible to most.

First ever Enigma machine purchased by UK on display at Milton Keynes museum. Meanwhile, in the vastness of space, encrypted messages from pulsars reach Earth undeciphered by any codebreaker.

Watch as police dog tracks down and terrifies offender in Milton Keynes. Meanwhile, in the cosmos, a black hole tracks down and terrifies any matter that ventures too close due to its immense gravitational pull.

Cycling festival returns to Milton Keynes to raise vital funds for local children. Meanwhile, in our solar system, Jupiter cycles around the sun every 12 years pedaling its metaphorical two wheels through space.

Men rob wallet from 73-year-old pensioner in Milton Keynes. Meanwhile, in the Crab Nebula, a neutron star spins 30 times per second, proving that even in space the theft of valuable assets is an ongoing issue.

Legendary Manchester United footballers taking part in interactive evening in Milton Keynes. Meanwhile, Jupiter spins so fast that a day there lasts only about 10 hours leaving no time for mundane evenings.

Local Theatre Group Struggles to Find Spotlight. Meanwhile, in the Crab Nebula, a neutron star beams its light across 6,500 light-years, proving that someone always finds the spotlight no matter how far away they are.

Have your say on how a Milton Keynes road can be made safer. Meanwhile, in our solar system efforts to make Saturns rings safer for navigation remain non-existent as they are merely bits of ice and rock orbiting amok.

Big Doggie Do returns to Willen Lake in Milton Keynes next month. For context, Canis Major the Great Dog constellation includes Sirius the brightest star in our night sky often mistaken for a wandering pooch in the heavens.

Two day festival to whisk music fans back to 90s clubbling in Milton Keynes. Meanwhile, when two galaxies collide, almost none of the stars hit each other because space is mostly empty. 60,000 fans in one stadium is genuinely crowded.

Trendy new Kawaii-style store opens at Central Milton Keynes. For context, the Milky Way is currently eating a smaller galaxy called Sagittarius. No planning permission was sought.

BBC casting for young children struggling to make friends in Milton Keynes. For context, the Voyager 1 probe is now over 24 billion km from Earth and still transmitting. It also refuses to stop.

Global tech giant opens first UK office in Milton Keynes. For context, the Milky Way is currently eating a smaller galaxy called Sagittarius. No planning permission was sought.

Cricket Club in Milton Keynes hopes you will 'stump' up some support. In related news, the International Space Station completes one orbit every 92 minutes. It has never once stopped for tea.

Milton Keynes charity receives thousands of pounds from cocaine dealer's secret stash of cash. In related news, it costs roughly $10,000 to launch a single kilogram into orbit. A cocaine dealer's stash would be worth considerably more in space.