They're both in hell

His nipples look like Kitty Sanchez's eyes without her glasses

The full article is behind a paywall but even if you don't pay, it's worth a click just to see his absolutely wonky nipples in this crossdressing photo

I should be asleep but instead I'm up waiting for dumplings that may never arrive 😔

It's gonna take a lot of flip fucking to to fix this, so we better get started

I don't like that this is how I have to find out you're cheating on me

One of the 3D Castlevania games explains that, since Dracula is immortal, he gets bored and scatters power-ups throughout his castle because he thinks it's more fun if the adventurers have a fighting chance, maybe Bowser is the same?

It probably lost me a lot of my... Uhhhhh... It's two letters but they don't spell a word... It'll come to me

It's how they said it that one semester she spent in Barthelona

*slap him in the face during. I have no explanation for that mistake, maybe I'm a little dyslexic. Maybe from the slap

One time a guy asked me to slap in the face him during, and I said "what?" (cause you wanna make extra sure you heard that right) and he said "like this!" and hit me so hard I lost a contact

Thank you, our family of rich cruising industrialists have been some of the ablest people in the country, and it's nice that you noticed that

My father was the guy who came up with the idea to make the scat color and the uncut color basically exactly the same color, just to mess with everyone

As the owner of the preeminent hanky factory in america, I will not stand for this

This all sounds totally fine to me, tbh, but the first bullet means it's definitely not going to happen

You'll turn your phone's screen off, and his face will still be in the reflection right behind you

I mean, I'm not totally clear on the details, but I went through the code and there's no way it could have worked for even a demo without massive deception

I used to work at a company that acquired a small startup that turned out to have no viable product and no concept for how the product would have made money if it existed in the first place, and I dunno I'm just thinking about that for some reason

Also, like, yeah, I guess you look alike in that you're both white dudes. Congrats or whatever

Just say you look like Christian Bale, dude. Patrick Bateman is a serial killer he played, but just pick something else he's been in, unless you WANT to look like the character and not the actor?

Old lady has fallen in the bathroom and needs help in a commercial from 1989. Apparently, this is actually a commercial for LifeCall, which predates Life Alert, but I think I mostly remember parodies of it more than I remember the commercial itself, and the parodies often conflated the two companies, so I never even knew about LifeCall. Much the way I watched the Tiny Toons parody of Sunset Boulevard like a decade before having any idea what they were parodying and then when I finally saw the original I said, "wait, this is just ripping off that Tiny Toons episode" and had to remind myself, "no, actually, things existed before you were aware of them them also." See what you learn when you start researching stuff for a dumb bit on the internet?

Me when I remember what year those commercials came out:

Fine, I'll just stay on the floor where I belong

I just miss when porn had incomprehensible and complicated plots with multiple characters who never even got naked

"Turn around, Nance Freely"

Her saying "they've signed my death warrant" is so camp

It's such a shame that the original song they produce a music video at the end isn't ever available at karaoke

Boy Band Catalina Minus Gay Sex YouTube video by rawrderder

If you want the context for all these clips, I just realized some dude uploaded the whole thing to YouTube, with all the sex taken out. I love this movie so much
youtu.be/JrTu3k0RRK4?...

Boy Band - Just Nance YouTube video by Chris Haigy

Every now and then I think about this lady from a 2002 gay porno, and I hope she's living her absolute best life

youtu.be/5-VdWTyYD1s?...

Also River Song in Doctor Who s6e7 when she's talking to Rory and he says "unless there's two of him" and River goes "that's a whole different birthday"

Oh no, he definitely is friends with Ryan Murphy too isn't he?