It’s glorious outside today and I’m stuck inside with my second bout of tonsillitis this summer :(

Idk what it is but Altrincham has a ridiculously high rate of hotties per capita.

To be fair, the wedding has been absolutely splendid and I saw some long lost uni friends. I also have absolutely no concept of what a (millennial) wedding involves.

9th August is absolutely doing my head in this year. I’ve stupidly turned down 2 friends’ birthday parties, what could’ve been my own birthday party as well, a housewarming party, and a protest in favour of a (straight!) wedding down south.

Obsessed with my dad blaming Keir Starmer for the 2017 money laundering regulations.

My manager just saw this skeet when I showed her a pic of the sofa I’m hoping to buy 😭

I smell so nice when I use my Rose Jam shower gel, I just want to lick myself 🥰

Trump gives Starmer green light to recognise Palestinian state ‘I don’t mind him taking a position’ says president after talks at Turnberry golf resort in Scotland

WTF? "Trump gives Starmer the green light."

Brits should be up in arms at the idea that any British politician has to get an okay from Trump on domestic or foreign policy actions.

Starmer, grow a pair and quit kow-towing to Trump!!

Given the government has responded to the petition against the Online Safety Act and said "we refuse to repeal it", might I suggest to that we flood Ofcom with calls complaining about our loss of privacy, censorship and accessibility to the internet?

They even have a freephone no. 0300 123 3333

Ten minutes until my interview 😵‍💫

Congratulations to the lad opposite me who’s just got himself 100 years in prison.

50 years in prison if you have the worst fucking cough I’ve ever heard and decide to board a crowded fucking train and spend the entire fucking journey coughing without ever covering your fucking mouth.

50 years in jail if you play anything out loud on your phone on public transport. No exceptions.

Me in the UK just trying to have a wank online in 2025

I’ve got used to the modernised TransPennine/LNER rolling stock in the north and forgot that elsewhere, operators like EMR would still be running on trains that were built in the Thatcher years. Not a single plug socket in sight.

The year is 2027. Keir Starmer has just passed a law criminalising masturbation. Wanking now carries a 12-year prison sentence. An erection will get you an ASBO.

Not sure what’s going on but I’ve heard at least seven police cars and at least two helicopters (or the same one at least twice) passing by in the last couple of minutes 👀

Anyway I’ve got an interview for the Specialist post in my team (separate to the restructuring)

Absolutely loving the news that half of my job might be given to a new organisation 🥲

If this happened today, the media would frame Mosley as a victim of cancel culture and claim the antifascists were terrorists.

Drag king name: Cliffy Biro

He’s an accountant.

Lmao I’ve got Blairites in my insta notifications telling me there’s no such thing as the international working class. “Labour”

I always smile when I see a slightly battered early ‘00s Yaris. The same feeling as seeing an old Renault Twingo on holiday.

Open Your Heart or Frozen (Calderone Club Mix)

Can’t believe how much nicer Altrincham’s PureGym is than Stretford’s. And there’s no horrible six-lane road to cross.

A government ban on Hungary’s Pride parade backfired Saturday as over 100,000 people marched through Budapest, far more than usual

PM Viktor Orban warned people to stay away, threatening “clear legal consequences.” But the warnings only turned a modest event into a mass rally against his government

He won’t keep the worst - Farage - out of power, so by James’ definition Starmer is a bad leader.

If we built housing at the rate that we build student accommodation, there’d be no homelessness and everyone would own 5 houses.

He’s absolutely gorgeous so I hope he doesn’t realise I’m a complete weirdo

Omg I’ve got a d*te next week! This happens maybe twice a year 🫨