My favourite poems are the ones John Donne.

"As I suspected, someone is adding soil to my garden."
"The plot thickens."

Repeated shenanigans are called shenanagains

"What do you call a laughing Piano?"
"A Yamahahaha."

Working my way through the Russian authors, only a few more to Chekhov.

a white goose in a gaggle of black geese is known to ornithologists as a “honkie” . folks,,

[don’t post don’t post don’t post oops too late 😬]

ME: [first day as a detective] Was the robber armed?

VICTIM: No

ME: *writing ‘probably a snake’ in my notepad* Thank you.

me: *trying to keep a stiff upper lip*

coroner: put that down

i only bought this bread knife for health reasons i need to cut carbs

"How does a Hamburger introduce his girlfriend?"
"Meat Pattie."

why did we even domesticate peeves

i've had un oeuf of the easter egg jokes

[space shuttle]

CAPTAIN: prepare for landing

ME: roger that

CAPTAIN: reverse thrusters

ME: sretsurht lol

CAPTAIN: lol

*we smash full speed into the moon*

Jesus: *rises after three days*

God: (while reading newspaper) well look who decided to join us

"I saw the new dinosaur in Jurassic Park is a hybrid."
"Guess that makes it priustoric."

good night moon scene with bunny is knitting something in a rocking chair - goodnight moon. goodnight constitution, gone too soon. goodnight sense of impending doom.

"How do you measure the effectiveness of a Dad Joke?"
"With a 'Sighs-mo-graph'."

I have a joke about zarathustra but it’s kinda nietzsche

Walking around in wooden shoes takes clognitive skills.

I'm always some place else when people need a hero. I'm more like a there-o.

I long for the days when I can become combobulated again.

It’s world poetry day, I’m not averse.

Can’t. Busy clearing the Strait of Hormuz.

DAIRY FARMER: do you have a girlfriend

OTHER DAIRY FARMER: yeah but you don’t know her she goes to an udder school

was that confusing? oh
ghee allow me to clarify

My one-legged neighbor is having a prosthetic made. More plans are afoot.

CITY PLANNER: what should we call the paved path next to the street

CRAB: i have an idea

"Did you know there's a breed of Roosters that lay eggs?"
"They're called 'Himalaya'."

Getting an abacus tattoo so that you can always count on me.

I got into a physical altercation with somebody who dissed Homer’s epic poems. I took a beating but you Odyssey the other guy.