Gerrymandering Illinois Republicans into a shoebox is why it is so awesome to live in Illinois. Welcome to the utopian future that is 1970, Virginia.

Greek egg lemon soup. As hard to make as it is delicious.

I’m the guy who decided every American microbrewery should make 16 different IPAs that are all over 7% and nothing else. I hope my success can inspire others born without taste buds to achieve their dreams

Live from @theonion.com HQ.

A good guideline for any artist is to strive to be unable to be parodied because of how yours your art is.

Looks like a perfectly good movie that could've made its cast, crew, and company plenty of money years ago were Warner Bros. not owned by a dumb billionaire.

We do not need to indulge these delusional people. We do not need to live under their demented rule. We can and should remove them.

George Washington: "We're going to win by not losing an asymmetrical conflict and you dirty bitches need to vaccinate. I have won 0 battles and written 1 etiquette guide."

These assholes:

The Shadow is public domain next year and I might go fucknuts.

Virginians vote on redrawing congressional map to favor Virginians.

I recently said we should be able to excommunicate men from the gender. I want to add that I also believe in preemptively striking any body seeking to infringe on my gender sovereignty.

Joe Russo Teases ‘Avengers: Endgame’ Re-Release At Sands Joe Russo revealed, during a session at Sands, exactly what audiences can expect to see on the big screen on Sept. 25 when 'Endgame' is re-released.

So they're saying there's new footage in the rerelease that explains Doomsday. Yet another indicator that this thing is going to be a narrative mess.

deadline.com/2026/04/joe-...

These guys have had more fun than any of us. FOMO measurable in astronomical units.

My metric for whether a film's story is successful is whether it makes my wife cry, so Project Hail Mary is movie of the year so far.

The Raven Knight, Book One: The Last Burden You Must Discard Amazon.com: The Raven Knight, Book One: The Last Burden You Must Discard: 9798999746511: Lowe 余, Kenneth, Großlaub, Béla, Pantoja Jr, Jesus: Books

Lupita retweeted me so I've earned the right to mention that I literally wrote one of these and you can buy it.

www.amazon.com/dp/B0FSWBF9R4

I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT

It is so awesome that I don't know the answer to this.

We Didn't Start The Fireworks (Jubilee Did)

If we want to be the party of the people, we need to ignore the good people who are trying to make positive change and instead listen to the crass, the rude, the morally lazy and recalcitrant. We must not ever challenge anybody to be better. Please sign your kid up for the army.

The worst Billy Joel song is any.

The Bible: "Guys, you are all VERY SUSCEPTIBLE to charismatic people who say the right words. I need you to have some introspection on that."

Way Too Many Christians:

I've been trying to record my audiobook, run into one difficulty or another. But today I used my local library's recording booth. No charge, got shown around by librarians who were Guy With 14th Century Monk Tonsure and Friendly Enby. Not joking: Give them all the rest of my taxes, too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The comparison between Ruby Rod and Mr. Beast breaks down at That Scene You're Thinking Of, because I think we all know what thing Ruby has done that Mr. Beast never, ever has.

My wife watched The Fifth Element with me last night and was like "This is so depressingly how everything is right now, ESPECIALLY Chris Tucker" and today Dan Olson thoroughly vivisects Mr. Beast as if to prove her point.

I once said the republic might not survive the Roberts court and have hated being right ever since.

OpenAI: We’re burning money like the Joker. A miracle needs to happen for us to turn a profit

Microsoft: Please please use our AI systems, we’re teetering on the edge here

Anthropic: I wonder what’ll kill us first: lawsuits, regulations or model collapse

Media and universities: AI is here to stay

This is already more annoying than "boomer shooters" being used to describe games that baby boomers straight up don't play and tried to ban.

Yes, that's my working theory.

This is another in a long line of reasons why I need to put an asterisk beside it whenever I say I "wrote a fantasy novel" or "like swords." I need you all to know I am not like this.