Wow damn you were not kidding about the pollen this year kicking your ass

Bird flu requires tweetment, and swine flu requires oinkment!

What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

v. good microplaned onto a salad. highly recommend.

yessss how could I forget those are great

Salt-Cured Egg Yolks Like a hard cheese, cured yolks can quickly add savory depth and complexity to a wide range of foods—soups, salads, pastas, and even meats.

salt cured egg yolks!

www.splendidtable.org/story/2018/0...

A circular loaf of Italian bread in a seven-strand braid, with flaked salt on top. The right side of the loaf is a bit mis-shapen because the guy who made it can’t figure out how to join the two ends to form a neat circle.

I still can’t quite figure out how to combine the two ends neatly but otherwise the seven-strand braided loaf w/flake salt is coming along nicely.

Oh I’m already doing my part Mom’s Uyghur is THE BEST

Saturday Night Live Korea - Wikipedia

Korea!

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saturda...

Hell yeah it’s Slut* Spaghetti Tuesday! *adds unfiltered cigarettes and crimson lipstick to my grocery list*

*despite the name change, it’ll always be Slut’s Spaghetti in my heart ❤️❤️❤️

A man taking a mirror selfie, visible from mid-thigh upwards, wearing white briefs and a red cutoff tshirt. The man has a beard, tortoiseshell glasses, and grey/brown curly hair.

i forgot to leave room for a bunny ears sticker on my head so “hoppy” easter instead i guess

I mean, the butts 🤤🤤🤤

A photo of a man, taken as a selfie. The man is standing in front of a mirror. POV is over the man’s shoulder, you can see part of the man’s face (one eye, an ear, half of his beard). The main focus of the photo is the mirror, where you can see the had pulled his shorts down and his ass is visible. On his lower back, there is a caption of the camel emoji and the calendar emoji.

Y’all know what day it is

This is my favorite climate change chart. Japanese monks, aristocrats, and emperors kept meticulous records of cherry blossom festivals for 1,200 years and accidentally built the world's longest climate dataset.

They look great!

I’m *very* glad you remembered 🔥🔥

If not now, when?

(Also, please note the LEGO cherry blossom branches in the background.)

(I will spare no expense when committing to a bit.)

Maybe not my best ever, but it’s top five for sure

Ask and ye shall receive 😉

My boyfriend is great, but, do I have his work trips marked on the calendar so I can relish the time alone? Who could say. (Just don’t ask me between March 23-25 or April 14-17, for entirely unrelated reasons.)

3,5,7…and 6 on Thursday, of course 😉

Six all the way! Though ideally in black.

Also I meant to make a “self-hosting”/“jerking off” joke but completely spaced 😢😢😢

Okay I think I added my own domain? I’m self-hosting now, maybe? We’ll see.

Oh no that’s one of the least fun kinds of dialogue

“Talk to him”

*points at boyfriend, who’s working solely from a script we practiced at home after I did wayyyy too much research and then three edits of the aforementioned script to remove extraneous exclamation points*

A photo of a man wearing a red jockstrap. Photo is taken from behind, starting at the man’s neck and finishing at his upper thighs.

Happy #humpday to those who celebrate

🎶 but the phishers gonna phish phish phish phish phish 🎶

"Back It Up" - The Security Awareness Company (SAC) | Parody of "Shake It Off" by Taylor Swift YouTube video by The Security Awareness Company

Oh man they couldn’t even get the rights to this??

music.youtube.com/watch?v=Zm8x...

Wait but what song???