You want a Kandinsky we got a Kandinsky. Bring money

I fucking nailed the brief

Okay here’s my plan for lunch:

- purchase a sandwich

- eat it

Oh just a single et of cetera for me thanks

Ben Roberts-Smith and Bruce Lehrmann could save money by getting a sharehouse together

Willing to consider a trade of similar size straight or major shipping canal (nothing smaller than Panama)

All offers considered. Please share this post with your president, prime minister or any government official you think might be interested

Hey guys, was hoping it wasn’t going to come to this but it looks like I’m going to have to sell the Strait of Hormuz :(

Sadly I’ve just got too much other stuff on my plate right now and I can’t fully commit to the peace process at the moment.

Can’t wait to hear some big rock and roll riffs from Charlie XCX!!! It’s gonna be epic!!!!!!!! Thank you for choosing to save Rock, Charlie!!!!

Pronouncing the name Penelope like envelope

Essentially this is me in every relationship I’ve ever been in. They’ve not gone well.

Or is it?

POOER

Just feels good to say, and it’s been a while

Apropos of nothing; eat shit Lyle

Craving an authentic sandwich

Over/under on Angus Taylor having an even shorter tenure than Sussan Ley?

It’s manufactured by Mitsubishi but it carries the spirit of a Toyota

Third time posting it due to errors. It’s called Delicamaxxing look it up

Accidentally reversed over the DoorDash granny in my Mitsubishi Delica :(

One cool thing you can write into your Will is bequeath all financial debts at your time of death to Gina Rinehart

Honoured to ride these roads this morning behind the Joker in his Kia sedan

Trying to pitch a show like the Bachelor but it’s me and 22 pairs of sandals and at the end of 8 weeks I choose my perfect sandal

Annoys me how little this happens at my office

They should make it so that everything’s not a giant fucking disaster all the time

Between Ben Roberts-Smith and now ANZAC Day falling on a weekend with no public holiday on the Monday, the Australian Army have got a lot of answering to do

I’d like one of those birds that cleans your teeth like the hippos have

Good news! They’ve started adding sake to your favourite drink!

Fabergé Egg is short for Fabulous Gay Egg

Don’t be angry, it doesn’t help anything. the sooner you accept that nobody likes you - the sooner you can’t start to improve as a person and eventually work you way up to a friend or two

Before today I hadn’t considered how weak the Pope has been on crime