Stephen King RT'd me on twitter with a "let trans people just fucking exist, you assholes" post, it got 30,000 RTs and Elmo suspended my account within the week. it was my finest twitter moment.
Religion is a mental illness Hoppy Easter!
Funny thing happened on the way to armageddon
Exactly!
Hi Brad!
Well this calls for a...something
Wake up and smell the stupid
Sex skeets should only work if you're hot. So you should just stop
Every time someone in the Trump admin speaks, it sounds like a poorly scripted action movie and it’s just red meat for the base. I miss the days when we had officials who spoke with dignity. Iran shows how cartoonish the rhetoric is and it does nothing but put people at risk.
lol, I had no idea what Harry Potter is, all this time I thought you all were talking about a Chuck Tingle novel about a Sasquatch that makes ceramics
Eating my cereal with a fork just to feel something
You say catastrophic failure like it's a bad thing
O' what a tangled web we weave when we practice to hey look over there
The cassette tape in my brain got all tangled again. Can you stick a pencil in my ear and wind it back up?
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
[through clenched teeth] i love feedback
Really bothers me when a public restroom has a Teamwork poster hanging in it
Who up for cake and societal collapse?
Don't think just because you've never teleported to a Waffle House you're better than the rest of us.
Food is boring. I should be able to eat concepts, pure energy, measuring tape by the foot, & the like.
My signature sex move is the John Wilkes Booth. You know, shoot into the back of someone's head and then try to escape the theater without getting caught.
gently, like a string trimmer
Okay this shitshow ain't gonna fuckstart itself
My signature sex move is the Rasputin. You know: I have six or seven pretty good moves but none of them quite finish you off
😁😅
It's rude that other people still get to be in their 30s.
😂😂
